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ScorpionQueen's avatar
ScorpionQueen
Member
10 years ago

Feeling deflated

Day 4 - after round three

How much can a person sleep??!! Feeling sore and deflated.

Damn it, I was starting to feel like my old self at the end of round two! (apart from the tiring quickly).....and now I'm back to square one....I hate lying around doing nothing....not even being bothered to get showered and changed!

Hard to believe but it's only been 14 weeks since my first surgery....it seems so long ago! Everything is going slow but fast all at the same time...this has ravaged my mind and body, made me a crying mess, made me angry, made me sad....but it has made me determined and stubborn too.....

I miss the spontaneity of life......going out when I feel like it...not when you will let me! You have bossed me around since day 1...go here, go there...do this...do that...take this....take that...no you can't do that.....you drain everything from me, then slowly let me refill only to take it all away again.

Sometimes it's hard to do, I must push on and on days like this I MUST remind myself that I am STRONGER than you...I have the determination of a lioness that needs to feed her young.....and even though I may not be able to lift my head of the pillow....I will wake up everyday and know I am winning.....

So I will be a couch potato for now...I will let the chemical cocktail keep me in it's hazy hangover.....for I know it's on my side.... it's pushing that bitch back to Hell.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

emotions

5 Replies

  • Brenda5's avatar
    Brenda5
    Member
    10 years ago

    LOL you are not alone. I am over 2 weeks since the final chemo dose and I slept most of today after a full 8 hour sleep last night. My get up and go has got up and went and I feel like such a sloth. I am not faking it, really.

  • LITHGOW1950's avatar
    LITHGOW1950
    Member
    10 years ago

    Such a great post. I only have 3 more treatments before Radiothreapy but I'm just so tired I feel like cancelling them! Your post encouraged me to power on.   Thank you so much and keep those beautiful posts coming.

    Anne-Marie

  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    10 years ago

    Lying here on my recliner  at 2.00pm still in my PJs day 10 after round 2...still feeling weak, squarmy at times and lightheaded. Your post brought tears. This is but a short part of my life. I'm  doing all to prevent recurrence. I might be down but not out. And I will beat you...you cancer bitch....you have brought some imbalance but you will not topple me. Take care...one more round for you, 2 more for me of this lot. Kath x

  • Cook65's avatar
    Cook65
    Member
    10 years ago

    Oh yes I remember those feelings well also. Just keep telling yourself this is all apart of getting rid of this God awful disease. Short term pain for long term pain. Start to plan something nice for when chemo is done. Something you can look forward to. Maybe a weekend away overlooking a beautiful scenery or a brunch with friends or even a holiday. I had 2 weeks away in Port Macquarie. We booked the holiday 2 weeks before I was diagnosed and it was shear fluke that it was spot bang in between the end of chemo and the start of radio. It was wonderful having something to look forward to and it was one of the nicest holidays I think I've ever had. It's ok to be tired and teary. You are filling your body with poison. Be kind to yourself and remember this is not forever. Take care. Karen xox

  • Jennybutter's avatar
    Jennybutter
    Member
    10 years ago

    Well said !!! I know that's how I felt, but we know why we are doing it, to get rid of that mungrel thing and we will it's just a long haul. 

    I'm just looking forward to taking my life as I knew it Back ?

    Stay positive, sending you a big hug.

    Cheers Jen ?? ?? ?? xx