Went through the Early Breast Cancer book with my partner today.
Wanted to make sure he had a handle on what was coming. You hear so many stories of men 'jumping ship' when the going gets tough with breast cancer.
Told him I'd rather he was honest now and admitted he didn't think he could see it through rather than let me down when I'm at my lowest. He assures me he's here for the long haul, that we're a team. It will be an interesting journey and definitely a test of our relationship.
Hi, it is really good that you have started talking openly and honestly about this stuff. I think having these conversations are a big part of what gets you through together.
One thing my husband found hard to understand was that as I went through chemo I had days when I was really quite sick and days when I seemed back to my old self. He needed me to explain that even when I seemed totally good again, my energy levels were way down, and that though I could manage making my own juice then, it used up the minimal extra energy I had, so I really still appreciated being able to count on him to make my cold pressed juice every morning. Being told what a difference the things he did made for me, and how much I did appreciate it, and why was important. He was sometimes quite quick to feel I was taking advantage of him unless I gave him this feed back.
Another difficult area is about your feminity and sexiness. Discussion on the forum shows that husbands seem to either back right off because they think you are too fragile, or cuddle up too close and get too physical when you don't feel sexy and want verbal reassurance that he finds you attractive. Comments/jokes about breasts, baldness, fatness if you put on weight with chemo, and other such things may suddenly become offensive or loaded topics.
I think going through breast cancer knocks a lot of the corners off, and you end up a lot closer than ever before.
Hi, it is really good that you have started talking openly and honestly about this stuff. I think having these conversations are a big part of what gets you through together.
One thing my husband found hard to understand was that as I went through chemo I had days when I was really quite sick and days when I seemed back to my old self. He needed me to explain that even when I seemed totally good again, my energy levels were way down, and that though I could manage making my own juice then, it used up the minimal extra energy I had, so I really still appreciated being able to count on him to make my cold pressed juice every morning. Being told what a difference the things he did made for me, and how much I did appreciate it, and why was important. He was sometimes quite quick to feel I was taking advantage of him unless I gave him this feed back.
Another difficult area is about your feminity and sexiness. Discussion on the forum shows that husbands seem to either back right off because they think you are too fragile, or cuddle up too close and get too physical when you don't feel sexy and want verbal reassurance that he finds you attractive. Comments/jokes about breasts, baldness, fatness if you put on weight with chemo, and other such things may suddenly become offensive or loaded topics.
I think going through breast cancer knocks a lot of the corners off, and you end up a lot closer than ever before.
