Day 6

Hi

Thank you for your story. I left the Early Breast Cancer book Breastscreen Qld gave me on the coffee table hoping he would have a read if he chose to and he did! Haven't had any questions yet but I'll take ur advice and ask him first in case he doesn't know how to start the conversation. The only thing he has said is 'I can't believe u got that mum'.

A friend commented that women she has met with breast cancer  often look amazingly fit and well. The part that is affected does not affect our moods or our ability to move freely, digest food, etc. But once you have surgery and are healing, there will be things that you should not be doing with that arm for a time. And when you start chemo you will be feeling sick too.

I had a similar thing with my son. He did not know how to ask me if I was going to die or how I was feeling about it all or what he could do to help. So he too kept asking if I was ok. When I asked him if he was ok, or if there were things he was wondering about with my cancer and my treatment and so on, he told me a bit. But I realised too that I had not really talked about the whole thing with him much, and it was too hard for him to start the conversation. I started sharing the info, and just letting him know how he could help, and we started to have better conversations.

A friend commented that women she has met with breast cancer  often look amazingly fit and well. The part that is affected does not affect our moods or our ability to move freely, digest food, etc. But once you have surgery and are healing, there will be things that you should not be doing with that arm for a time. And when you start chemo you will be feeling sick too.

I had a similar thing with my son. He did not know how to ask me if I was going to die or how I was feeling about it all or what he could do to help. So he too kept asking if I was ok. When I asked him if he was ok, or if there were things he was wondering about with my cancer and my treatment and so on, he told me a bit. But I realised too that I had not really talked about the whole thing with him much, and it was too hard for him to start the conversation. I started sharing the info, and just letting him know how he could help, and we started to have better conversations.

I know what you mean about not feeling sick. I think that is one of the hardest bits of being diagnosed. It is hard to understand that you can feel very well but actually have Cancer inside you! I never thought of myself as sick even when treatment was happening (and I did feel sick then but only as a side effect of the treatment). I have 2 daughters who were 18 and 20 when I was diagnosed. I found it helped to keep them informed about what was happening and to encourage them to ask me about anything that worried them. It is sometimes almost harder for those closest to us than it is for ourselves. They know even less about what is happening, how we are feeling and coping than we do. They feel so helpless and just need to feel that they can help in some way. Maybe you can explain that there will be times when you are not going to be up to doing everything and that you will need his help then. My family decided who would be the best at each task when I was out of action and this helped them to feel as though there was something they could each do to help. My eldest daughter came to appointments with me and my husband and this helped her to cope and understand what was happening. She stepped in then if my husband could not come to something. You will appreciate some help in the coming weeks, so let him know that you do appreciate his concern and will need his help but that you are actually feeling just fine at the moment. Maybe he is concerned about how you are feeling emotionally rather than physically? Boys can be very sensitive when it comes to their Mum. Take care. Deanne xxx