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DansBoobs's avatar
DansBoobs
Member
13 years ago

Day 1

Well here it is. I have breast cancer. It all happened after a phenomenally challenging day and the results are in. L breast ? Multifocal ? Around 3 cm plus. Hmm could be big. Could be grade 3? Scarey. Am currently flipping between being scared shitless and as zen as a Buddhist monk. Flip flop! Want to sleep but am too scared. Scared of what? My thoughts? The dark? That back pain that has been annoying me. Could that be bone mets? My chest is tight could that be lung mets? My head hurts. Must be brain mets. Dear god am I going to die? Told the kids. My 13 year old wailed like a baby. Now that broke my heart into a million pieces. My 11 year old and 19 year old appear ok. On the surface. My husband is crying in our room. My mother is freaking out in another state. What a mess. I am a nurse. A cancer nurse. I know too much. I know the horror stories. The worst statistics. Ignorance is bliss my friend. Knowledge is a curse. Let's see if we can get some sleep and dream of a works without cancer.

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  • Mich_x's avatar
    Mich_x
    Member
    13 years ago

    Hi DansBoobs

    I wish I could make your fear go away but I can't.  All I can say to you (which sounds so lame) is that is okay to be scared.  We have all been scared, I am still scared and will continue to be as unfortunately that is part of the baggage we have to carry with this horrible disease.  You having seen it all first hand will only make matters worse for you. 

    I think you will need to discuss things with a Counsellor sooner rather than later to try and bring some of that fear under control so you can feel stronger and able to carry on through the journey.

    You have to be strong for your family.  It is our loved ones who suffer the most and believe it or not we end up being their support as they worry so much about us. 

    I found to start with I was numb, then in denial, then very angry and now I am just trying to make it through each day.

    It is one hell of a crappy journey that we are all on.  We all understand so very much where you are coming from and we are here for you.

    I hope you can get someone to talk iover how you are feeling and try and release some of the fear you are enduring, which as I said is normal.  We are allowed to be scared. 

    Good luck, lots of love and best wishes coming your way for you and your family.

    LOL

    Mich xo