Hi everyone.
I've had a good sleep last night thanks to meds, so I can fill you in on the sucky day I had yesterday, yet again at the hands of my "team". Joking of course. >:)
I arrived 25 minutes early, diary in hand (thanks AllyJay I was laughing on the inside with resting bitch face).
As soon as I got to the desk, I recorded my arrival time and weight, told them I had two appts 20 mins apart
Saying that I was concerned as the wait times are always long, I emphasised the importance of the Surgeon appt as I had been waiting since December for that one and I had only briefly met him in an oncology meeting and knew very little about the actual surgery or reconstruction options.
When I met him it was before all my results were in and before I started chemo in December. At that time, they thought I had three tumours on my right breast - I actually only have one, the other ones are a calcification and a breast trauma?
So he was definitely saying a masectomy at that meeting. Which I have come to terms with.
Im really not sure what a "breast trauma" is and I have asked a few times since January and I am still no clearer. Any ideas?
My appt with the Surgeon was for 10am and the Oncology Registar appt 10.20am.
At 5 to 10 the Oncology Registrar called me in and again with my diary in hand I recorded the time and re-emphasised that I did not want to miss my appt with the Surgeon, she reassured me that I would be passed over to him after our appointment.
To be fair she was nice but it was my first time meeting her and I had to go over everything again, the amount of AC chemos and how many Pax etc with all the side effects, she felt the breast and said she cannot feel the tumour but could feel a void?Then she left the room and spoke to the Oncologist (the one I rarely see haha) and said he had suspended my chemo, we will go straight to surgery.
After 20 mins I was released to the waiting room where I again asked the Reception if my name had been called while I was in with the Registrar? No surprises, he's running behind schedule. So I sat and waited.
At 11.10 am a young lady (never seen her before ) called my name and on the way down the hallway to the rooms introduces herself as a student working with Josh? I said who the hell is Josh? He is a Surgeon with training wheels on apparently. I have no words for my feelings I had, I was rooted to the spot in the hallway, I think they had to help / push me into the room.
I managed to ask where my Surgeon was and was told he was on leave. I stifled a primal scream and instantly started crying , no noise just uncontrollable tears and I couldn't talk, which threw me and both of them.
When I was finally able to talk again I unleashed my disappointment with my "journey" and the handballing I had received, I feel like I have fallen through the cracks .
FFS I had mentioned to Reception several times who I was to there to see and also the Registrar twice and none of them thought it would be better to tell me my Surgeon was on leave?? Or what about a phone call when he was given leave?
The rest was a blur, I filled in the Pre admsission forms. He did try to explain the procedure and possible side effects like lymhodema and more surgery may be needed and he mentioned both incision and masectomy so I am clueless.
To be honest, I actually think I was in shock. They both had a feel and neither could feel the tumour but that does not reassure me, a student and a surgeon in training.
I managed to retain that the surgery will be in 3 - 4 weeks and that they will do the Sentinal Node thing the day before and an ultrasound on the day of surgery to see the size of the tumour and put a needle in it? Is that right?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck and lying on the road waiting to see what happens.
Sorry for the whinging but I really have no one else who understands.
