Two years ago I had a recurrence just 18mths after my first diagnosis for which I only had lumpectomy/radiation and chemo (only! I did have one lymph node involved). My recurrence was 6 mths after a clear mammogram so I get how scared you are. I went on to have a mastectomy, and more chemo. I am only now planning my reconstruction and yes it will be a tram/diep due to radiation. It was such a scary time, but somehow I managed to get through it and am still here alive and well. I actually recovered better after the mastectomy than my lumpectomy. I think it has something to do with the area being numb so not as much pain. I also adapted well to life with one boob. I have decided to have my other breast off now so hence the reconstruction. Don't get ahead of yourself though, they are decisions you can make later. Just remember you got through this once, and there are lots of us on here who have travelled a similar path.
Keep posting if we can help we will.
My kids are 12 and 14 so similar age to yours....
Take care and good luck.
Paula :)