Forum Discussion
Bye bye boobs
Five days to go until I farewell my breasts.
I am comfortable with my decision but nervous about the emotional impact of the outcome. How can you anticipate an amputation of this nature, physically or mentally?
I'm not afraid of medical procedures or pain (eight and a half hours of labour with no painkillers pushing out a 9lb11oz baby...), but I am nervous of being under for 8 - 10 hours. My low blood pressure issues and collapse a few weeks ago are playing on my mind. My GP is being cautious and doing some heart tests and I'll be having a good chat with the anaesthetist.
I'm comforted by the people who've gone before me and say they have no regrets. I know I'm doing the right thing, for me and my family. My lovely breast surgeon agrees. However I am sad. My breasts are actually a body part I liked. We've had some fun over the years; it's challenging to say goodbye to such a delightful erogenous zone.
Nerves and apprehension have been rising as the operation's approached, but have been mostly under control. However last night, after a busy day of distraction, the moment I turned off my light I was swamped with anxiety that went on all night. I had a shocker. The valium I took at 3am didn't help (it was only a 2).
I'm a member of the Choosing Breast Reconstruction Group but it's pretty quiet over there so @iserbrown suggested I post here too, so you all can keep me company through the next bump on this wretched rollercoaster. Black humour welcome!
I am comfortable with my decision but nervous about the emotional impact of the outcome. How can you anticipate an amputation of this nature, physically or mentally?
I'm not afraid of medical procedures or pain (eight and a half hours of labour with no painkillers pushing out a 9lb11oz baby...), but I am nervous of being under for 8 - 10 hours. My low blood pressure issues and collapse a few weeks ago are playing on my mind. My GP is being cautious and doing some heart tests and I'll be having a good chat with the anaesthetist.
I'm comforted by the people who've gone before me and say they have no regrets. I know I'm doing the right thing, for me and my family. My lovely breast surgeon agrees. However I am sad. My breasts are actually a body part I liked. We've had some fun over the years; it's challenging to say goodbye to such a delightful erogenous zone.
Nerves and apprehension have been rising as the operation's approached, but have been mostly under control. However last night, after a busy day of distraction, the moment I turned off my light I was swamped with anxiety that went on all night. I had a shocker. The valium I took at 3am didn't help (it was only a 2).
I'm a member of the Choosing Breast Reconstruction Group but it's pretty quiet over there so @iserbrown suggested I post here too, so you all can keep me company through the next bump on this wretched rollercoaster. Black humour welcome!
120 Replies
- @Sister @Finch @Joannie We did thank you. I had one of my now occasional drinks, a cocktail, and very unusually for me, a steak. It was tender and delicious (I want to say 'like my boobs' but that would be the vodka talking!). Had excellent conversation with my husband (not about the children or breast cancer) and relaxed. It woz gud.
- Thanks @tigerbeth. F**k cancer indeed.
Hugs gratefully received. - @primek Are they pre or post mastectomy tits? I've never had tits so losing one is no big deal emotionally or physically. But they look fantastic. I always thought that if I had them I'd be showing them off to everyone every day.
- @iserbrown "Every time you find some humour in a difficult situation you win" is my motto for life.
Loved that link. Thanks for sharing. - @kmakm u look fab and so do the girls - hope u had an amazing night out with your hubby. Mine bought me some new hair and a new handbag today.
- @iserbrown I really enjoyed that article, thank you.
- I think the secret is not to overthink it. Don't plan how you will react. Just ride the emotions as they come. I didn't feel anything but relief when mine first came off and reconstructed . It was much later, once the terror of dying had passed a bit that I had issues around my body shape change. So now I'm focussing on health and strength and it has made me comfortable with my body again. This is 2 years on. Only recently did my husband and I talk about that loss. He misses my breasts too. A few tears that night. But...neither of us would do it any other way.
As to being under...it will feel like seconds and they will be on the ball watching BP etc throughout. But the reality is you will be super anxious. I went for a walk in the morning ore surgery. I had a good old cry in the shower. But then on with my big girl panties...and off I went. I was just so glad once wheeled in and finally had sedation. The anticipation is so much worse than the actual surgery. I had the girls out just before my surgery too. I had a farewell boobie party at the last minute. Last big send off. Everyone was wearing my bras who didn't dress up. - Enjoy your night out!
- Lying on the trolley going into theatre having (yet another) person asking your name DOB and what is happening to you today is tough. Actually it's fucking horrible.
In the end we choose to do it. You will join a club of thousands, which, once again is not helpful. Do the best you can. Marg xx - I've been thinking of you @kmakm , your anxiety and lack of sleep are all tied up in this operation. Have a lovely evening with your beloved husband, love is all that matters and you both have it in spades. Breath deep knowing you're doing the right thing for you . Xxxxxxx
