Hi Janet. I can identify with absolutely everything you've said (and as I type I have right here beside me a cup of - you guessed it - green tea!!). Perhaps it is part of human nature to want to impose positivity and meaning on experiences that are frightening and random? But when you're the one in the 'hot seat' (as it were), this can mean you feel like a bit of a failure if the meaning that society tells you will burst forth doesn't materialise...at least, not very clearly!! Don't know if I'm making sense...it's late (what am I doing still drinking that bloody tea?!?). I totally relate to feeling weird about being told you're "brave" during treatment. I read a book called 'Yellow Birds' recently about a veteran of the Iraq war who reacted very negatively to being told he was "brave" when he got home, as he felt he'd just done what he needed to do to survive. Though the experiences are (obviously) very different, I could identify!
