Before You Reclaim Your Curves

I think whatever one devicides we need to be respectfull of thebchoice and the decisionmaking process.

But yes, it is such a minefield... i only had a lumpectomy - having said 'only' the chunk that was taken out was a size of a large fist as my tumor was large and I have boobs that are now 2 sizes apart....

Funnily enough I never ever before the surgery considered having a reconstruction regardless of the pricedure that would be done or the difference in size. All I could think was "I want this rubbish out". I could not in my wildest dreams consider putting something foreign into my body after facing the teality of a cancer growing in there as is.

What I found even more weird is that the zecond I was informed I had BC in the Breast Screen centre the surgeon in the very next word told me that offcourse I could have reconstructive surgery then he continued to discuss the biopsy they were about to perfom  I found it a bit offensive that he thought that he needed to inform me I could be reconstructed before discussing the damn cancer and the process of dealing with it.

While looking for a surgeon I spoke with my Gyno who I also wanted to talk to for an unbiased opinion on lumpectomy vs mastectomy and also the moment I told him about my diagnosis he proceeded to tell me not to worry as dealing with BC these days is so much safer and advanced and that once it was out there were so many options for reconstruction that nobody need ever know I had surgery.

I know he meant well but that too upset me. I told him I would never consider an option of having an implant of any kind so for me that would not be an option regardless of the procedure only to have him reassure me yet again that after the treatments that is something reconstructive surgeon would discuss with me and I need not form any opinions yet.

I know that some feel that it is important to have the reconstruction and honestly I respect that. We all need to do whatever we need to do to feel right. But the way everyone dealt with me does make me think that many get pushed into it without realising it. I had a similar talk from the breast care nurse and had to shut her up on the topic and same with the surgeon...

It is almost like everyone is assuming we have to look the same afterwards so they rush us to have it. And they all speak of it in a way that makes one feel there is something wrong with them for not wanting reconstruction.

I never wanted it yet started thinking there was sometjing wrong with me and that I should be considering it.

Everyone had me second guessing myself in thinking there was nothing wrong with me having 2 differently sized and shaled boobs.

I still did not consider having it but the way everyone spoke of it assuming I should have one did start to make me feel I would be 'deffective' without it and I have to say that got me angry. 

If I lost a finger a limb or a part of any other muscle people would not assume I should have reconstructive surgery to get the appearance or normallity. People consider surgery to get function back and not just for the appearance sake so why is it that when it comes to boobs we are made to feel defective for losing part or all of it.

Just because guys consider them sexual there should be no pressure or even assumtion one should be reconstructing it. Again - I respect choice to have it but I do feel many women do not choose it but are pushed into having it for fear of feeling 'not normal'.

I also agree that it should not be spoken off a something that is 'normal' and almost expected.

We can be whatever we are. We can have boobs or not have them. We can be curvey and then not. There is nothing wrong with it.

I know that I am just in the very start of a very long road but damned it once the chemo radiation and tablets are done as I continue to fight this thing and then to keep on looking over my shoulder worrying if there is more if it in my body and if it will come back I know I will be different. I will be different emotionally and psychologically so if those 2 are different then I may as well be different physically. So what if one boob is smaller and lopsided... Heck - surgery was tough and recovery no picnic so I intend to wear that lopsided trimmed boob as badge of honour.

I just hope that other women do not end up being made to feel like there is something wrong with them if they are not considering surgery and that they do not feel they are unattavtive or not womenly or curvey just because their boobs were affected (or removed).

We are way way way more than just the sum of our parts and monody should be considering surgery casually...