I've changed my profile pic in solidarity with all the other baldies. I am a bit low about how I look at the moment -- not so much how I feel in myself (I think I look ok, even without the eyebrows and eyelashes that have fallen out since this pic was taken) but other people's reactions to me. For example last weekend I went to a family gathering and an aunt, who I haven't seen since starting treatment, didn't recognise me! She actually came up and said "I don't think I know your name, do I?" I laughed it off at the time, but when I got home I cried so hard ... Then on Tuesday I went to a work thing, and just walking around my workplace lots of people who I know well walked straight past. It was so embarassing, cos each time I kind of stopped & smiled ready to chat, and felt totally brushed off. I know they don't mean any harm, but f*%$k it hurts. I guess it's because they haven't seen me for a while, and don't recognise me because I don't look like the person they're familiar with. My friends & partner don't understand why this has upset me so much, but I know others on the network will know exactly how I feel. It's minor in the scheme of things, but I really felt the need for some acknowledgment. Hope everyone's treatment & recovery is going well. Heather

Hi Hb :) I feel your pain Im bald as well! but atleast you have the guts to walk around in your workplace as bald. Good for you! :) I feel I need my hat or my scarf or my wig to cover myself. ie; Profile pic- wig haha! I only walk around the house bald and even then I get called "monk" my family members. But even when im at the shops with these things on my head I feel like people are looking at me...part of our journey I suppose.....It wil only make us stronger. But I totally agree with you, an acknologment would help. But just think atleast we get to choose our hair now! through wigs etc and we get to save time in the morning! not like people with hair haha! I hope you will feel better as the week goes on :) take care jo xoxoxxo

thanks Jo! I should have said that at these places I was wearing a headscarf -- does that make it better or worse? haha. I went out to dinner w friends recently, got my partner to put a temporary tattoo on my bald head. Everyone shrieked w laughter when I whipped off the hat. Your profile pic looks great, btw, you'd never know it's a wig. Go well x

Being bald isn't minor- it's HUGE. You have the daily dilema of what to put on your head,the discomfort of what's on your head and your lost identity. I really struggled with the bald thing.I used to wear bandanas to work and people got used to it quite quickly.However,my hair growth or lack of,was a constant conversation in the staff room."how's your hair going"?"Gee it's taking ages to grow"PEOPLE-TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!.-it drove me nuts.When my hair finally came back it was dark and curly as opposed to blonde and straight. Even my own mother sometimes doesn't recognise me at first.If I haven't seen friends or family for awhile,then it's the first thing they comment on.Gee your hair looks different. So I totally understand how you feel.It's not meant in malice but it still kinda hurts.We just have to forgive and adapt to our new look.The bald look is cute on you- it looked terrible on me. Tonya xx

I soo agree Heather the bald look IS cute on you. I really like it. I havnt gone thru chemo or the accompaning baldness but I do agree with what Tonya and Jo have said. Take care and keep on here for support. Hugs and good wishes Viv xx

Bald & brushed | BCNA Online Network

14 Replies

hb
Member
15 years ago
Thanks for all the beautiful responses, you girls are gold.

Heather

xxx
janny
Member
15 years ago

Heather, you look fantastic. I'm with you on the bald thing. I found losing my hair more confronting than losing my breast! Eight weeks post chemo and mine is starting to grow back. Have a light covering all over but way too much gray in it! Keep smiling - as my kids keep saying to me "better bald than in a box".. it's become my mantra.

Janet
janny
Member
15 years ago

Heather, you look fantastic. I'm with you on the bald thing. I found losing my hair more confronting than losing my breast! Eight weeks post chemo and mine is starting to grow back. Have a light covering all over but way too much gray in it! Keep smiling - as my kids keep saying to me "better bald than in a box".. it's become my mantra.

Janet
pinkpeonie
Member
15 years ago
Hi Heather

i too think you look great in your pic - I am off for my next chemo tomorrow and my hair has been falling out heavily this last week so I understand to a measure how you feel. It is particularily evident at the front so am debating shaving it all - but with chemo coming up tomorrow not sure how much activity I'll be up to - at the rate its coming out I dont think it will be there in another few days anyway!!

It is amazing how your realise how much yout identity has previously been attached to your hair so I dont think you are going overboard with your feelings!

I do think people often don't know how to react or what to say - thats why this network is so great - we are with you!!!!

I havent bought a wig - but have a couple of scarves none of which I think look that great - I have orderde a few bandanas online so am waiting to try those out - but will see how it goes.

trying hard not to look too much like a pirate hehe so I will be steering away from the large hoop earrings!!

Anyway hope you feel better soon Heather - I have found breast cancer to be more isolating than I expected as the doxytaxel kind of knocks you out for a couple of weeks and then just as you are surfacing its almost time to start again.

Well - keep going good for you to be back at work and all the best.

Take care Debsx
w_w_w_dette
Member
15 years ago
I didn't see the other Heather but I certainly like the profile pic now and especially the huge smile!! I'm hopeless and haven't even added a pic but will try to support others by adding one when I'm bald (about 2 weeks!). I've taken the first step and now have my very first short hair cut as well as got some cute hats which I like the look of with the hair all tucked in - I'm imagining I might not be quite so chirpy when there is none to tuck up!!

I agree that feeling of being brushed off really hurts Heather - it's shitty that no words can create so much pain! Hopefully being able to voice those feelings in this environment helps the pick myself up and tackle the next challenge approach that you have.

Take care, Dette xxx
Ann-Marie_AK
Member
15 years ago
Hi Heather

I love your profile pic you look great! I too am bald and it was so hard at first and I have had many teary moments. I'm ok with it now but always wear my wig out and hats at home. I'm from Melbourne and it's freezing so my head gets cold. I wonder if the people who brushed you off went home feeling really bad, some people just don't know what to say and so often say nothing in fear of saying the wrong thing.

Stay strong and keep that lovely smile on your face.

Ann-Marie x