Attempted portacath insertion

Oh No I am so frightened now. I am booked in to have a port inserted on Monday I am cancelling it. I am extremely petite and it seems from you lovely ladies that this may be a problem. I just want to crawl under a rock and forget this nightmare. How do you do it. I keep telling myself that I can do this and be strong but the fear is ingolfing me. Today I was told stage 4 do chemo or the alternative is good bye for good and this sent great fear coursing through my veins infact I cannot remember driving the 60 ks home at all. What happened to my wonderful life it seems 7 months ago it went for good.  I looked on here hoping to find some relief and comfort however my worst fears are confirmed now. It seems my tiny veins and the trouble I go through and uncomfort may be a better option than what has happened to you guys. Perhaps I am being stupid here however I do weights heavy ones and somehow it makes me feel in control. The port means no more heavy weight sessions. Misery for me not being in control of something in my life makes me very sad. I have only tonight to decide. Has anyone on here had taxol herceptin and perjeta for her 2 cancer without a port if so can you advise me please. I would apprecialte it very much.