The fact that you realise that you are probably not in a good healthy head space to make that kind of decision,is reason enough to push forward,if you can:)The health system is not made for times like this is it,and even a reasonably well person finds it challenging waiting in a public hospital outpatients department.I wish I lived closer to you Sarah.I would be knocking on your door and not taking no for an answer;) Please take care of yourself and perhaps accept even a small amount of help.xxxRobyn