A tougher time than I thought

Hi Paula

What you describe sounds very normal to me.  I was diagnosed with BC in mid Sept 2015, didn't get surgery until early Dec - the waiting was horrible!  Again, waiting for the results from surgery was hard - finally arrive Xmas eve (clear margins and clear lymph nodes phew).  Then it was more waiting until mid Jan for an oncologist appointment - and chemo started 3 days later.  I have existing depression so I knew it was going to be hard, but didn't realise how hard.  I have spent some moments sitting in the garden staring into space... watching the cat and dog, or wandering the house pointlessly from room to room.  I have found going out for a short walk helped me greatly - even though I really didn't want to leave the house at all.  Some days I started by checking the mail box/touring the garden. I  am lucky in that I have a positive partner who comes for walks for me - and just having him with me really helped.  I can now go for walks on my own, or I take the dog (she's really helpful as well).  The hubby and I started going out for tea together, and after a few times I could do on my own (even though some days I don't feel like going out so I don't).  Then just when I think /feel like I'm doing OK, things come crashing down again; I take some time and make myself remember that this will pass.  Sometimes in a couple of hours, sometimes longer.  Eating small meals/'healthyish...' snacks every couple of hours seems to help (blood sugar maybe?).  I know getting outside certainly helps me twerk out of a funk a bit.  I also made myself txt a few friends (even when I didn't know what to say apart from 'how's things your end?') and it's been a good way to keep in contact with others when I don't want to /can't get out. I know I am not through this yet but hearing and talking to others online has helped me so far.  It's hard to realise that others, no matter how caring, don't really understand what dealing with BC feels like unless they have been through it themselves.  Even health professionals can be a bit blaise at times.

Thinking of you, hugs and take care of yourself

Leanne xox