12 months post Breast Cancer

Hello

 

Me too.  They (the hospital) actually wanted me to wait until after Christmas to the the results.  After explaining that this was my first mammogram since my first diagnosis I told them that it was not acceptable.  For all the negative aspects of this terrible year, the positive is that i have become more assertive and selfish when it comes to ME.   You also find out how wonderful some family and friends are.  It has been a learning curve.  

Lee

Hello to you all ....... hope your new year is all you could wish it to be.

I cannot for the life of me have a true understanding of the emotions you are going through.  In comparison my circumstances were so different.

I was diagnosed in Jan 2010 (just think it's been a year, doesn't feel like it) and opted for a mastectomy and total lymph node removal.  it may not have been everyones cup of  tea, but at 62 it was right for me.

In the two weeks before my op I went through the whole gamut of emotions ..... why me, what if, how come, anger, depression (which is still raising its ugly head every now and then), and later guilt and more depressiion.

When I got my post-op results and was told that the cancer was contained and hadn't moved anywhere else in my body, that i didn't need Chemo or radiotherapy but would be on medication for 5 years I was so pleased that I made positive plans to live my life the same as I always had.

I had two family weddings, an engagement, travel and resumption of my everyday activities to concentrate on and couldn't accept the fact that I wasn't superwoman - I went in boots and all.  I didn't realise or accept that the make up of my body had changed and I couldn't do what I wanted when I wanted.

Then the guilt and the depression set in ..... I wouldn't go to events that my Breast Car nurse invited me to because I had no outward sign of my cancer ... no chemo or radiotherapy meant I didn't "look the part" so therefore I would be there under false pretences.  It took a mental slap-around from my physio to make me accept that even though the visible signs weren't the same I wasn't any different from those other ladies .... we all had been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Getting involved with BCNA brought me back to reality too - I met a wonderful group of women who will be my friends for life, and am coming in contact with others who I will never meet but who I am able to support through this site.

Life goes on .... I have regular checkups with the surgeon and oncologists every 6 months, blood tests, scans, ultrasounds.  It is always in the back of my head that I COULD be part of the 3% recurrance ratio but I won't let it change my life.

My outlook on life has changed .... don't worry about little things, wait till something important comes along.

For heavens sake, I only meant to pop in and say Hi ... Happy New Year, but have found myself prattling on as usual.

Take care everyone ......

Shirl xx

Hi Deanne,

I'm coming up to my two year anniversary and was surprised to feel all those negative feelings washing over me again. I don't think we ever truly get over the impact this rotten disease has on our lives. Like Kay my children are older and it has been hard enough for them, so I can't imagine how difficult it has been for you with a young child. The whole process puts such a strain on everything. My partner has been wonderful throughout it all but I have to admit that once all the treatment was over we both pretty much crashed and it created quite a strain on our relationship. I encouraged him to talk to someone and I started seeing a psychologist. It has really helped! The main thing to remember is that it is ok to have these feelings and to feel sorry for yourself. Unless they have been through it no-one truly understands what you're going through. 

Take care of yourself. Christmas is always such a busy time and we're usually worrying about everyone else. Try to take some time out for yourself, even it's just an hour.

Caren