Forum Discussion

MandaMoo's avatar
MandaMoo
Member
14 years ago

12 months on

This is my facebook Post marking the 12 month mark of my diagnosis with Breast cancer.  I am not one for informing the whole world of every little detail of this disease.  So much is kept personal and private.  Few truly understand the pain of dealing with secondary cancer - really only those who are or have been there themselves know. While I often seem positive and cheery - it takes concerted effort to pick myself up out the the puddles I mention - at times they feel like vast bottomless lakes. Currently I am swimming if not fully dancing again - won't be long though. There is a new drug for Melanoma now available in Australia - they have had nothing for years - if I last long enough - maybe there will be something for me? I just can't ever lose hope and while I am living and still have blood pumping through my hear, I will have hope and try to make every moment count.

12 months on and I am still learning to 'dance with the devil' as the Chinese say.
In the past 12 months I have been disfigured, lost all of my hair, lost my fingernails and toenails, had a throat and oesophagus so ulcerated I couldn't eat and was bleeding internally, had numerous infections, fatigue, chemically induced menopause, delightful digestive symptoms I'm too polite to discuss (!) and I am drugged to the eyeballs 90% of the time.
I still wake up everyday and think "crap! I still have cancer", but then I think - but right now I feel great so 'on we go'.
I am learning to dance in the rain, rather than waiting for the storm to pass. I stumble and fall into the puddles sometimes and it can take me a while to get back up. I nourish my body with good whole foods, I meditate, I try to exercise (!), I love being in my garden, I do the school runs, the homework, parent teacher interviews, reading stories, swimming, music and more - I love being with my kids and Brendan. I live a mostly normal life. I love being a mum and wife. I love spending time with my family and friends. I love creating images and reading good books.
So while I am doing the tango - I try to get the most out of each day.
There is still no cure for breast cancer but this year I will turn 40 and I can't think of anything better to do than celebrate being alive!

 

Amanda xx

19 Replies

  • I am so pleased to read both of your recent posts.  You both sound up-beat, positive and ready to fight again

    I also had a "stumble into the puddle" recently .  I looked for posts from each of you for inspiration as you always show such strength and courage.  I was horrified to find you were both having pretty much the same scary ride I was having with progression of mets. 

    Thanks to both of you for sharing your stories with us all.  Let's continue to enjoy being alive

    Justine xx

  • I am so pleased to read both of your recent posts.  You both sound up-beat, positive and ready to fight again

    I also had a "stumble into the puddle" recently .  I looked for posts from each of you for inspiration as you always show such strength and courage.  I was horrified to find you were both having pretty much the same scary ride I was having with progression of mets. 

    Thanks to both of you for sharing your stories with us all.  Let's continue to enjoy being alive

    Justine xx

  • Hi Amanda, wow can't believe it's been a year. You have been through so much. I too love the way you write. I also love your profile pic beautiful lady. Keep up that swimming & dancing & if you fall in a puddle we will all be here to pull you out again.

    Luv Loretta xxx

  • Your blogs always fill me with admiration for the way you handle and conduct your life. You are an amazing person so focused on your family and getting on with it! Your determination will ensure you have a great 40th and that you celebrate in style.

    Love Sarah x

  • Your blogs always fill me with admiration for the way you handle and conduct your life. You are an amazing person so focused on your family and getting on with it! Your determination will ensure you have a great 40th and that you celebrate in style.

    Love Sarah x

  • Hi Amanda, I agree whole-heartedly with your words. I too feel happy just to be alive and spending time with my family. All this crap somehow reveals the true meaning of life and love in a way we couldn't comprehend before. I also agree that early breast cancer patients like myself cannot appreciate what it's like to have advanced breast cancer. Even though I've had two separate breast cancers 10 years apart, with all the associated chemo, radiation, surgeries etc, they have not spread and it makes me feel guilty to be so lucky. It seems like such an unfair lottery. I know that one day, I may hear the news that my cancer has returned somewhere else in my body, but I don't know how it would make me feel. I get lots of comfort and encouragement from reading the abc girl's blogs because they prove that where there's life, there is hope. One of my old italian neighbors was chatting to me one day when I was feeling down in the dumps. She said, "Don't die while you're still alive Jane", and it sparked me on to try and enjoy every single day. Your attitude to life inspires me greatly Amanda. I wish you and your family lots of happiness! xx Jane
  • Hard to  believe a whole year has passed since you were diagnosed. That's a long time to endure all the treatments thrown at you.I am amazed that you are still smiling in your pic - which,I might add,is lovely.You are a beautiful person inside and out.Your blog highlights that it's the simple things in life which give us the most pleasure.I love reading your blogs because they are straight from the heart and so articulate.I hope you publish a book one day.I also hope that you have many more years ahead to enjoy your family and the simple things in life.I imagine you will celebrate your 40th big time!

                                                   love Tonya xx

  • Anonymous's avatar
    Anonymous

    Hi Amanda, congratulations on your 1 year anniversary! Gosh what a year its been for you! You've been through so much and yet you continue to shine and inspire us all...thank you for being such a brave warrior.

    You are right, only those who are in this predicament can truly appreciate what it's like...the losses and the sacrifices, and yet the extreme joy and thankfulness that we are still alive to watch our children grown and experience living.

    You talk about hope, and I recently read this comment regarding hope that I'd like to share with you...

    "Hope puts a smile on our face when the heart cannot manage… Hope puts our feet on the path when our eyes cannot see it… Hope moves us to act when our souls are confused of the direction….

    Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and something that will refresh us in return… it can be found in each of us, and it can bring light into the darkest of places…
    Never lose hope… "



    Thank you for sharing your reflections of the past year and congratulations on making it through with such determination and courage! Heres to many more wonderful years to come, and of course a cure to breast cancer asap! Love Celeste?

  • Anonymous's avatar
    Anonymous

    Hi Amanda, congratulations on your 1 year anniversary! Gosh what a year its been for you! You've been through so much and yet you continue to shine and inspire us all...thank you for being such a brave warrior.

    You are right, only those who are in this predicament can truly appreciate what it's like...the losses and the sacrifices, and yet the extreme joy and thankfulness that we are still alive to watch our children grown and experience living.

    You talk about hope, and I recently read this comment regarding hope that I'd like to share with you...

    "Hope puts a smile on our face when the heart cannot manage… Hope puts our feet on the path when our eyes cannot see it… Hope moves us to act when our souls are confused of the direction….

    Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and something that will refresh us in return… it can be found in each of us, and it can bring light into the darkest of places…
    Never lose hope… "



    Thank you for sharing your reflections of the past year and congratulations on making it through with such determination and courage! Heres to many more wonderful years to come, and of course a cure to breast cancer asap! Love Celeste?