Survivor mode

@Sazbe - you are in my thoughts.  Telling loved ones, especially close family is the hardest for sure.  I had to tell my mum via messenger first and let her take it in. Then we called each other.  We continue to message daily now and this is a help to me.

You doing just fine, taking your time about disclosing this news but know that most people are very supportive once they know and you do need their support.

Love and hugs to you.

Regarding Income Protection - You should find it mentioned on the website for your provider.  If not, ring them and ask.  I had to download a heap of forms to be completed by me, my GP, and specialist (don't worry - they're really used to doing this).  Then I had to photocopy a truckload of documents - every report, letter and communication that I had with medicos ad with work.  It actually provided a good opportunity to scan all of those documents as well.  Then it's just a matter of sending it all in.  If things work as they are supposed to, it should be a matter of a few weeks until your claim is resolved.  (Unless like me, your Super provider decides that they can't possibly process anything for months while they're installing a new computer system, then your case manager leaves and they choose not to appoint another one for a few more months...)  However, you should get your money.  Different policies have different covers - mine was 3/4 of salary after tax but required 30 consecutive days of leave to get it, which includes paid leave.

@Sazbe I got my husband to tell my parents. It was 17 months since my sister had died from breast cancer. I simply couldn't face delivering the news.

@Quote_Queen_67 firstly sending big hugs

Others have already given some great advice

I too am in the newly diagnosed phase and feel like I am also in survivor mode, so I can relate. I have shed a few tears here and there and find that the moments I do have to grieve actually make things easier. We all react and deal with things differently, and when we have kids we can't just collapse in a heap, or crawl into bed and refuse to come out. This is a good thing! However it is important to be kind to ourselves to fit in grieving as it comes up. Getting on with things can make you feel more in control, when everything can feel out of control. However as the shock wears off and realities set in it can feel overwhelming. So you are in the right place to gets lots of support with that.

I too still have to tell my kids aged 5 and 10. I waited till seeing the surgeon so I at least have a plan. 

I was also worried about wether I will be able to work, I can't really afford not to. My surgeon told me yesterday that if I want to I can still work. They try and support people either way, if they want to work or if they want time off. It will help if your workplace is flexible.

I'm glad that your mum is coming to support you.

I still have not told my parents, they live in New Zealand and I just can't bring myself to pick up the phone.

@Sister
 income protection as part of super etc can you explain it to Quote_Queen_67

Thank you!  Lots of positive advice there for me.  I am a naturally positive person so my tank is usually more than half full but I am feeling it being used up right now.  The blog idea is a good one - might think about that.  

I work part time so am not the major wage earner but we need my salary to supplement my husband's wage.  I know I have a few weeks sick leave stashed but I will end up taking unpaid leave I guess.  I think we will manage but it will be tight.

There are some awesome people on this site - so grateful for this!

Thanks again Sister!

Welcome to this site @Quote_Queen_67 .  You'll find a lot of support here.

I know most people have given you great info and resources but I'll chuck my 2 cents in.  In my experience, the scans you're having will give your surgeon needed information but the exactness (I know - not a word) of the cancer won't be known until the path report after surgery.  They will, however, dictate the immediate steps.

Cancer's not a joyful thing to have but it's really important to take one day at a time and try not let your mind wander too much into the what-ifs.  And try to stay away from Dr Google.  That said, there are a few sites that will give you real information.  Moose and Doc (or something like that) has some good explanatory stuff as does the UK BC site.  You can see my year of treatment by clicking on my name.

Re: telling kids.  I had no choice but to tell them straight away as I had to pick them up en route from Breastscreen to the GP.  They were 11, 12 & 15 at the time.  I have kept them informed of everything at every stage and told them that I will always do that.  I don't go into the what-ifs though - just the facts and then let them ask the questions.  They know that they never met my sister because she died young from this disease.  Keeping secrets can be so much scarier than the facts.  They have been a massive support for me in this.  My first surgery was on 21st December 2017 and one of my favourite memories is of the 3 of them lined up, peeling spuds for the Christmas dinner they prepared in it's entirety.  Who'd of thunk it possible?

There's many ways of telling other people but do it at your own pace.  For me, my husband told his family (I don't have any family who needed telling at that time) and I rang two key friends and asked them to contact other friends and be the conduit of information - I was having enough trouble getting through things without people constantly ringing me to see how I was.  This worked beautifully.  While I was in hospital, my husband set me up with a blog page so that I could keep people updated that way which was also a really easy way to do things.  I kept the settings private and sent the address to those who were interested.  I have found that it became a fantastic journal to sort my thoughts out and has become a record of the almost year of treatment.  

I stopped work from diagnosis in early December 2017 until after radiation in October 2018.  As the sole income earner for the family (and a paltry income at that), this was a major blow.  I was, eventually, able to access Income Protection from my Super fund.  Mine provides 3/4 income (after tax) but does come with conditions.  I never had any trouble being approved for it, just a heap of trouble getting them to do the processing of the claim to get the money.  My suggestion is to check your fund to see if you have this cover, or trauma cover, and once you've made your decision about work, to get on to it IMMEDIATELY.

Back to the kids... tell your kids' teachers, or someone in their school, as soon as you can so that they are aware of what is going on.  I emailed my youngest's teacher at primary school.  I was fortunate that I work in my two older kids' school so they knew what was going on, but as one was just starting there, we had some anxious moments as she was dealing with so much.  I did access the Well-Being team at the school and they were able to keep an eye on the kids for any difficulties they were having.  It may be worthwhile if you are having financial difficulties as well because many schools have a welfare fund for these situations to cover uniforms, fees, etc.

Take care.

We've got you @Quote_Queen_67. And when the time comes, you'll look after those who come after you. It's a beautiful thing. K xox  :)

Hi Quote_Queen_67 You May not know anyone on here, but we are all family. Welcome lovely lady. I am sure you will find yourself very embraced here.

Thank you for all this support - I am feeling very cared for by total strangers who have been on this journey. What an amazing group this is!