scared.

It's a long time ago now but I can still vividly remember that when I was waiting for my biopsy results and in that awful mental seesaw between 'it'll be alright' and 'it'll be everywhere', the realisation that I had not had my pap smear on time haunted me. I did have breast cancer (mastectomy, chemo and herceptin), my pap smear was clear and I am now six years with no evidence of disease. It's the most natural reaction, to fear the worst, and the hardest one to talk yourself out of. But if terror and anxiety worked, none of us would be talking to each other here on this site! A plan of action helps immensely, it gives your mind something concrete to focus on. A mastectomy is usually remarkably straightforward, you can look at the options if you are considering reconstruction (there's a specific group for that on this site) and chemo - well, no-one likes the idea, but some handle it relatively easily so it's hard to tell till you start. A plan A and a plan B are useful. This isn't a chapter in your life that you would choose, but it can be just that - a chapter, not the whole book. Best wishes.