Hi Christy. To answer your question simply, it's one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time. When you feel like you are drowning in BC, you try as much as possible to stay in the moment. I literally say in my head, 'no I'm not going to think about that' and divert my thoughts elsewhere. This is similar to meditation. When your brain wanders, you redirect it to go back to following your breath.
In moments when you are so overwhelmed that a panic attack occurs or complete breakdown threatens, you need to take some deep breaths. Long breath in, hold for two seconds, then long breath out. Then lightly pat your thighs and arms, saying to yourself 'this is me, this is me'. You can also note to yourself the things who can hear, see, smell, feel and taste. This gets you out of your head, which at moments like those is a good thing!
My psychologist is big on not doing 'predictive' grief. As much as you are able, don't anticipate your reactions or grief to things that haven't happened yet. In other words, don't cross bridges until you come to them. Do you have a counsellor?
Hair loss is a big deal for many of us, but not all. I tried the cold cap to spare my youngest two the visual (click on my @ name to read my story) but it didn't work. So I had it all shaved off at a local hipster barber, who gave me a stiff gin & tonic while it was being done, and refused to let me pay for either the cut or the gin! The kindness of strangers. I found having no hair to be very freeing, everyone said I had a great shaped head, that I looked great (chemo can clear your skin and make you 'glow'), and showers are a revelation. It takes some adjusting to publicly looking like you have cancer, but if you can't you can borrow or buy a wig, and no one will ever know. My hair has grown back the same as it was before, but with a different texture (which will pass) and looks so good short that I'm sticking with a pixie cut for now. A friend that I've known since I was 15 told me only the other day that I'd found my look!
There is very little about BC that's good, but you can find some pearls in there. I have never felt so loved as when I had chemo. My friends were amazing. You gain a deeper truer knowledge of yourself that can be quite profound. And for me, joining this forum has led to me making irl friends who I'll have forever.
Most of your list will pass, and the things that won't, well, we'll be here to help you, and keep you company along the way. There are also a surprising number of laughs! I'm having a tough time in survivorship. (it's the first anniversary of my diagnosis on Tuesday), and this forum has been beyond invaluable, supportive, caring and kind.
Can I suggest on Monday you give the BCNA helpline a call? The wonderful women there will be able to give you some excellent support and advice around all the things you're worried about, including the work and finance issues. 1800 500 258.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other Christy. You'll be surprised how quickly things become routine. And keep your eyes on the prize: a healthy cancer free you who will be around for your children and their children. When things are at their darkest for me, that's what I think about.
Keep coming here and let us know how you're getting on. We're with you all the way lovely. Biggest of hugs, K xox
