Forum Discussion

Mals's avatar
Mals
Member
5 months ago

New Diagnosis - Should I be more emotional??

Thought I should really get my act together and finally have my first BreastScreen (South Australia) - age 53. Didn't think much about it and was preparing to book a family overseas holiday when suddenly I found myself with Left Breast DCIS and Right Breast ADH.

Saw a wonderful surgeon on 3 Oct and was booked in for surgery 9 Oct. ADH completely removed however the Left Breast DCIS was larger than first thought and pathology showed 2 invasive cancers in the removed tissue (Hormone Positive/HER2 Negative).

So another quick rush of scans/tests etc and back into surgery 23 Oct for wider excision and sentinel node biopsies. On Thursday we look at a treatment plan based on these results - Radiation or Radiation plus Chemo.

So no, I haven't booked our holiday and all this is happening while my son had his last week of Year 12 and started trial exams. Everyone says I am 'so positive' about it all and 'upbeat' but realistically I don't feel this is the time for me personally to panic or fall apart. Not only because of my son's final school exams but mainly because I see all this as the information gathering stage. I don't think it's that the diagnosis 'hasn't hit me' yet or that I'm in denial. Both my husband and I (and our son) are fairly I suppose, scientifically focussed. I can certainly get over-emotional about things but we like facts and figures. I don't even want people with me at appointments (not even my husband) as I like to get the information and have it clear in my head before involving others.

Is this really such an odd thing? I know I will get more emotional in the future once treatment really starts but am I currently the odd one out in this right now?
  • Blossom1961's avatar
    Blossom1961
    Member
    5 months ago
    I was not emotional with my first diagnosis either. I got the info I needed and moved forward. I only lost it once in the early stages when the medical staff lied to me. I went to all my appts and chemotherapy on my own because that is how I wanted it. The chemo did hit me emotionally after a couple months and I panicked over the simplest things but early on, I just relied on what I knew and what the medical staff suggested. You are not the odd one out. Just be prepared that if things do start rocking the emotional boat that you do not beat yourself up over it. All the best.
  • Hatter74's avatar
    Hatter74
    Member
    5 months ago
    Hi @Mals,

    Welcome to the club we all never wanted to join. I feel like our stories are somewhat similar in that I haven't really gotten emotional either. In our house we call it 'Mum's side quest' (I'm a bit of a gamer when I have time) 😄

    I was first diagnosed in April after having intense pain under my armpit and in my left breast but only when unsupported. Popped a bra on and nothing. Weird. An indent line appeared and off to the gp I went. I've been asked many times when my last routine mammogram was and oopsie, I've never had one. And I'm 50. A previous investigation showed dense tissue however and cancer is very hard to see in dense tissue without an additional ultrasound.

    I just rang the chemo bell a little over a week ago and surgery is now my next step. I'm triple negative. The whole process has just been 'Okay, what's next' and get on with it. I'm not sure why. I certainly don't minimise the seriousness of any cancer but I just don't attach alot of emotion to my own journey. It is just what I'm doing right now.

    I'm also the same in that I like to gather all the information first and process it without involving others too much.

    You are not alone, and what you're feeling is totally okay, even when you get everyone telling you what you should be feeling.

    All the best in your journey, and your son's completion of Year 12. Woohoo!

    xo


  • Katie46's avatar
    Katie46
    Member
    5 months ago
    Hi @Mals, I think everyone reacts differently, I was fairly unemotional about it with the odd wobble along the way. I told all my family, friends, and work right after diagnosis, I was comfortable discussing it with people. I was diagnosed on my first mammogram at 50, and had stage 2 grade 3 IDC with 1 lymph node involved so I pretty much knew I'd be having chemo because of the high grade. I found the early stages of diagnosis and tests did get a bit overwhelming at times, especially as they were trying to cram everything in before the Christmas break, but my McGrath nurse was great and helped with that. Most of the time I just wanted to get on with it. I finished chemo and radiation in July and I'm now on hormone blockers and life is pretty much back to normal. Whatever way you deal with it is totally fine 🙂
  • terrianne's avatar
    terrianne
    Member
    5 months ago
    Hi @Mals!
    Everyone reacts in their own way. For me, information is the fear-killer; I read everything they gave me at diagnosis, spent time digging through Counterpart Navigator, went researching through BCNA, Cancer Council sites etc - anywhere I could find solid information.
    I've had emotional moments (a.k.a. crying jags) at odd moments, but they've usually been about some specific thing or part of the process, like a fairly unfortunately comment from a surgeon about 'needing to consider taxpayer dollars' (I'm a public patient), or the horrible silence from a breast care nurse after I told her my bra size for the My Care pack and she had to retract the 'every woman with BC gets a post-surgery bra' because they only go up to a certain size, and I'm not in that range.
    You're a long way from being the odd one out, in other words. Whatever works for you getting through it is what works for you, it's that simple.  You might have emotional moments or days down the track, you might not. As long as you have the support you need when you need it, that's what counts - there's no wrong way of reacting.
    (@Hatter74, I love the 'side quest' thinking - I play a bit too, mostly MMOs, and that's appealing. It's not the whole of my life, just something that has to be dealt with.)
  • Afraser's avatar
    Afraser
    Member
    5 months ago
    Why does everyone equate emotional with sobbing?? Being practical and composed involves lots of emotions, not just the ones we usually label as ‘emotional’. 

    I cried twice during a year of treatment, small
    snivels. I couldn’t see the point of crying, it wasn’t going to help anything. At times I felt scared, confused and, just once, really down. All emotions. I had great support, no
    horrible side effects and most of the time felt positive about the future. Feeling positive is emotional too. My husband didn’t come to any but my first meeting with my oncologist. He would have if I had asked but I didn’t. I was comfortable on my own. As others have said, everyone has their own way. Yours is just fine. 
    Best wishes. 
  • MelV83's avatar
    MelV83
    Member
    5 months ago
    There’s nothing wrong with not being emotional. I had a gut feeling I had cancer even before the mammogram and ultrasound so do me it was just confirmation of what I already knew. 

    There can be unexpected emotions in other things but honestly your journey is totally yours, and there really is no “should” in terms of how you deal with it emotionally. 

    Good luck for Thursday and let us know how you go- it will be ok to have whatever emotions come up for you once you have a plan in place. 
  • cranky_granny's avatar
    cranky_granny
    Member
    5 months ago
    Agree agree agree couldn’t agree more with all of the above.  Each to our own whatever works for ourselves. 
    I use whatever is needed at the time
    laughter, tears, the cranks,  treats,  hiding under the blanket away from life for the day. Or immersing my self in the things I like to do. Sometimes I even catch up on chores from blanket days.