My timeline

Just hang in there....

I know what you mean about the disbelief... I expected the 'cancer' verdict so was completely OK during exams and biopsy. Somehow since my early 20s I have had a feeling I would have BC in the left boob so, in a werid way when they said 'cancer' I was relieved as my thought was "now something can finally be done about it".

What nobody had explained properly for me was the biopsy result. I knew all about the 4 stages of BC and understood mine but I was completely clueless about the different grades. I thought BC is BC...

Was dreading the word chemo but was even prepared for that.

My 1st moment of "no flipping way" was.when the surgeon said they found a 2nd tiny cancer in the margin... head started to pound and all I could.think off was "why did I go along with lumpectomy when I knew it should all go". I do not even think I was listening to him properly - just nodded and forgot to ask questions as head was spinning. Then went to  see the breast care nurse who wanted to fit me for a bra and when she chatted with me about my diagnoses and kept on referring to "3" and I asked if that meant I was stage 3 and not 2 like they said due to the 2nd cancer she explained I was confusing the type of cancer with the stages. Then she proceeded to explain the 3 types and what that meant and that is when the 'cartoon piano' fell on my head. It had been 6 weeks post my knowing I had BC, 1 week post surgery and that is how long it took for me to hit the wall.  There were 3 grades of cancer and I had no clue 6 weeks into the whole think. How could I not know that...

I just kind of nodded at the explanations but was.completely in disbelief that there are different kinds of BC, I had the worst one and they would have to go light with chemo due to my allergies... then it hit me a bit more that against my better judgement I did not get them to take it all off...

I think my head is still spinning when I think about it so I no longer think or talk about it... As you said "1 day at the time"

One of my favourite books and films as a kid was Gone with the Wind and I reckon she had the right idea with the line "I will think about it tomorrow". That is approach I am taking. As you said it is one day at the time and what has not happened I am not going to think about until I am in the moment and then - gonna fight like Hell to get through it. I just picture my cats and what the do when I try to get them wet in summer (to cool then down) and reckon whatever hits me down the track that is the level of determination and fight I am going to have at the time. Until then I plan to enjoy every moment of peace and relaxation like there is nothing wrong (??????) - just going to love life and LIVE IT

Hugs...??????