"I don't have time for BC"
Let me start from the beginning... Fri 13th April 2018, a day after I turned 35 years old. As I was getting ready for work, I felt a strange lump on my right breast and it was painful to touch. Initi...
Forum Discussion
The guilt is something shocking eh? But we just have to talk ourselves out of it. No one asks to get BC, there's no blame to be laid, so there really shouldn't be any guilt. Last night I said to my husband that I felt like a burden to him. He looked at me completely blankly. He didn't comprehend what I meant. When I elaborated he shut me down very quickly. I am no more a burden to him than he would be to me if our roles were reversed.
I know you are in a different position to me, you are a lot younger and haven't yet met your life partner. I think if I was in your position I would attempt to achieve a state of grace in my presentation to my boyfriend. As in, my attitude would be 'this is me, in all my human complexity, in a bad time, not just a good time, I will do my best, fight the good fight, but I will also cry, wail and despair. Take me as I am, in all my human glory'. Does that make sense?
It is up to him to "make changes or drop everything", this is another thing out of your control! I think as he is your boyfriend it is reasonable to ask for some support, but as it's a fairly new relationship, your expectations must be tempered by reality, which I think you're already doing. The flipside is of course that if he sticks around he's most likely a top bloke who's in to you for all the right reasons. If he can't hack it, he's not the one for you. Well that's what I reckon anyway!
You definitely need to make your decisions for you. You need to be front and centre. Be kind to yourself. That goes for everyone on this BC rollercoaster. I have considerable family responsibilities and frequently referenced my decision making within that framework. My lovely breast surgeon corrected me every time, saying you have to make your decisions for you, no one else.
Bloody good news that your lymph nodes were negative and that you don't have to do chemo. You've got this Flip! You're getting the help you need and it sounds like you've got your head screwed on the right way. Plus you write really well! I think you just need some time for your emotions to catch up to what's happened to your body. You'll get there. K xox
I know you are in a different position to me, you are a lot younger and haven't yet met your life partner. I think if I was in your position I would attempt to achieve a state of grace in my presentation to my boyfriend. As in, my attitude would be 'this is me, in all my human complexity, in a bad time, not just a good time, I will do my best, fight the good fight, but I will also cry, wail and despair. Take me as I am, in all my human glory'. Does that make sense?
It is up to him to "make changes or drop everything", this is another thing out of your control! I think as he is your boyfriend it is reasonable to ask for some support, but as it's a fairly new relationship, your expectations must be tempered by reality, which I think you're already doing. The flipside is of course that if he sticks around he's most likely a top bloke who's in to you for all the right reasons. If he can't hack it, he's not the one for you. Well that's what I reckon anyway!
You definitely need to make your decisions for you. You need to be front and centre. Be kind to yourself. That goes for everyone on this BC rollercoaster. I have considerable family responsibilities and frequently referenced my decision making within that framework. My lovely breast surgeon corrected me every time, saying you have to make your decisions for you, no one else.
Bloody good news that your lymph nodes were negative and that you don't have to do chemo. You've got this Flip! You're getting the help you need and it sounds like you've got your head screwed on the right way. Plus you write really well! I think you just need some time for your emotions to catch up to what's happened to your body. You'll get there. K xox