Halfway through treatment
Hi all
I finally have the courage to contribute here after skirting around the edges for the last few weeks.
In late July I felt a thickened like a small swollen area in my right breast. I knew I had to get it checked. Off to GP who felt nothing but sent me for a mammogram & ultrasound. Monday: Mammogram was clear, ultrasound sound showed a 'cyst' that looked a bit unusual. Had fine needle aspirate with ultrasound. Friday I go to the GP and receive the news that its cancer. I am 52 years old.
I know that everyone here on this forum will relate to the feelings, emotions and stupefied numbness that followed. By the following Wednesday I was in surgery (lumpectomy) and planning chemo, considering genetic testing, career and study on hold. I think in the first weeks I just thought 'oh well I guess I won't be here next week'. I really had ridden myself off.
Nothing prepared me for the shock, desperation and sadness that followed in rearranging everything in my life. I was working full time, long days, very busy and loving it, studying, managing-husband, home and two teenagers at university. Everything came to a complete and utter stop. I don't think I slept for a week. Looking back now I can barely remember the details of the days between surgery (recovery) and starting chemotherapy.
Having four rounds of AC (last one coming up) followed by weekly pax for 12 weeks, then radiation. So its a chemo Christmas.
I have never felt so lonely or so confronted. Some friends have helped and some have disappeared. I have seen some family initially but that has sort of waned off. Yes, I also find it extremely hard to ask for help.
I am/was a very active person mentally and physically so treatment weeks and the following fatigue has been arduous at times. The dexamethosone makes me feel like I am going mad (tears & sadness). Going from high activity and interaction with people to very little has been very hard. Everyone I know works full time! I am furiously crocheting (coming into summer!), making Christmas cards, doing crosswords, trying to read, cooking a little bit on good weeks/days and trying to avoid googling breast cancer because I end up down rabbit holes of despair where the stories all end badly.
I have been out very little so feeling very cooped up. When I have gone out I feel so lacking in confidence and so very hairless-I find the stares, looks and avoidance stares rather intrusive. Yes I am having active treatment for cancer but I am not contagious.
So I am here, sharing my story which is so similar to everyone here, hoping to connect, make some friends, air my thoughts and feel not so alone.
SJ Brisbane, QLD
I finally have the courage to contribute here after skirting around the edges for the last few weeks.
In late July I felt a thickened like a small swollen area in my right breast. I knew I had to get it checked. Off to GP who felt nothing but sent me for a mammogram & ultrasound. Monday: Mammogram was clear, ultrasound sound showed a 'cyst' that looked a bit unusual. Had fine needle aspirate with ultrasound. Friday I go to the GP and receive the news that its cancer. I am 52 years old.
I know that everyone here on this forum will relate to the feelings, emotions and stupefied numbness that followed. By the following Wednesday I was in surgery (lumpectomy) and planning chemo, considering genetic testing, career and study on hold. I think in the first weeks I just thought 'oh well I guess I won't be here next week'. I really had ridden myself off.
Nothing prepared me for the shock, desperation and sadness that followed in rearranging everything in my life. I was working full time, long days, very busy and loving it, studying, managing-husband, home and two teenagers at university. Everything came to a complete and utter stop. I don't think I slept for a week. Looking back now I can barely remember the details of the days between surgery (recovery) and starting chemotherapy.
Having four rounds of AC (last one coming up) followed by weekly pax for 12 weeks, then radiation. So its a chemo Christmas.
I have never felt so lonely or so confronted. Some friends have helped and some have disappeared. I have seen some family initially but that has sort of waned off. Yes, I also find it extremely hard to ask for help.
I am/was a very active person mentally and physically so treatment weeks and the following fatigue has been arduous at times. The dexamethosone makes me feel like I am going mad (tears & sadness). Going from high activity and interaction with people to very little has been very hard. Everyone I know works full time! I am furiously crocheting (coming into summer!), making Christmas cards, doing crosswords, trying to read, cooking a little bit on good weeks/days and trying to avoid googling breast cancer because I end up down rabbit holes of despair where the stories all end badly.
I have been out very little so feeling very cooped up. When I have gone out I feel so lacking in confidence and so very hairless-I find the stares, looks and avoidance stares rather intrusive. Yes I am having active treatment for cancer but I am not contagious.
So I am here, sharing my story which is so similar to everyone here, hoping to connect, make some friends, air my thoughts and feel not so alone.
SJ Brisbane, QLD
