Hi @SamJgS , Welcome to the forum. It is a shock to be diagnosed and then get used to all of the changes it makes to our everyday lives. Please don't feel bad about having a cry and feeling sad. We all tend to go through this at one stage or another and I personally think it's a whole conglomerate of issues thrown together, the speed of diagnosis and commencement of treatment doesn't really leave a lot of time for reflection and acceptance. And despair can come and creep up on you and blind side you out of the blue, let alone treatment, having to get used to new aches and pains, new looks, all whilst tippy toeing around family and friends so that you are not scaring the bejeesus out of them by how scared shitless you really are yourself!!! I attacked my garden and read and I seriously don't know where the time I was off work went but it was totally spend in recuperation. If you feel you are going too far down the path of despair and need assistance there is no shame in that, you can call 1800 500 258 and speak to someone trained at BCNA or the Cancer Council 131120 and speak to a counsellor and of course we are all here for you as well. You are not alone and we totally understand. Oh and congratulations for coming on and posting - the first one can be a bit scary!! But you're here now and that's all that matters. Sending you a big hug Xx Cath