Freaking out about Mastectomy

Hey Vallerina, firstly I want to acknowledge and validate absolutely everything you said! Ive been doing this 6yrs now 2011 and recurrence in 2015 and I have still had moments where I thought they GOT IT WRONG! So normal, lets face it, it doesnt make sense right?? you feel absolutely fine, fit healthy no symptoms lumps or anything hmmm so how could it be true? it honestly sends you MAD! What I can tell you is this, this is the worst part where you are, ONLY lumpectomy or complete mastectomy will give you absolute pathology it will override any other test, scan, biopsies all of it are only guides. Surgery is the only definitive way to know exactly, I had lymph nodes taken last time and no problems at all, I had no node involvement however. I do know if its wide spread DCIS its too difficult and they do a mastectomy. Its hard to know how you will be after this surgery, Im 3 weeks post Left Breast Mastectomy/Diep Flap reconstruction so a much bigger op as it involves your tummy and it really is a massive incision and healing. My drain came out in 2 days!! thats right, yet others can go home with them a week later, everyone is different. I am managing really well now, not doing alot as walking was a problem, but for what youre having done, painkillers and some great support you may be able to manage your plans. What I learnt through the last 6yrs is to have zero expectation, Im an incredibly independant woman too, worked and single parent and done this twice with little support. This is the one thing that was out of my control, when I let go once I hit treatment, my body dictated my life and I went with it. It will change you in ways you never thought...not everything that comes out of it is bad...some of my best learning about myself has been through this. ITs scary!!! but once you do surgery, get results you'll have a plan and you will settle...it will be up and down and I found it useful to reach out to my Psychologist pre surgery who I hadnt spoken to in 3yrs, it was enough for me to find acceptance and let go of attachment to my physical self...because it doesnt define me.. Your fears are so real, your confusion, but you will get through it...and we have a wealth of experience and knowledge and just good old love and support to help carry you. Best of luck for surgery, you'll do great!!! Melinda xo