Do I choose surgery or chemo first?

Dear Job, Don't be afraid of the prospect of chemo prior to the surgery.  I had Er+ Her2 3+ tumour with lymph node involvement and so Chemo was recommended first as a treatment for any possible early spread beyond the nodes (and before the body is stressed by surgery or radiation). I was comfortable with this because, unlike you, it was the prospect of surgery that freaked me out. I was able to monitor the dramatic reduction and disappearance of my original lump throughout the chemo and herceptin such that it was obvious that the treatments were working and preventing further spread. Like AllyJay described, the eventually surgery and pathology testing, which really just became biopsies, failed to find any evidence of ongoing  disease. This seemed miraculous but apparently is not that uncommon. I was very happy to be able to avoid major surgery and made a very smooth recovery.  Very grateful for this.  Sounds to me very important that you have a conversation with your oncologist to discuss your options.