Disappointed and confused by the system

Hi Annski,

You can access a few visits to a psychologist or counsellor by getting your GP to put together a mental health plan for you. I was a bit 'meh' about the idea to start with but have found that part of my treatment is just important as the rest.

Conversations with family members about death can be difficult. I found it very beneficial to be able to test run things with my shrink, known as That Poor Woman, beforehand and it's great to be able to unload on someone who is not close to you, is not going to get upset or, worse still, come back to you months or years down the track with things you have said while you were under extreme pressure.

I think we have all had those moments of looking around going "What the hell am I going to do with all this stuff?' I've had a couple of goes at doing the big chuck out and planning garage sales etc. It was overwhelming and I've decide bugger it. Someone else can clean it all up when I'm gone. Whenever that may be. For the moment make sure your will and power of attorney documents are in order. Think about doing an Advanced Care Directive in case everything turns to shit in a hurry and leave it at that for now.

You learn a great deal when you get cancer. One thing that most people don't realize is that the success rates for chemo are frequently in the single figures. 7 - 9% is really common. Before all this happened I thought that chemo must surely double your chances of surviving. Finding out that the first time it gave me a 12% better chance and the second time about 5% was very confronting.

The doctors have an obligation to let you know what your options are, even if the increments are tiny. The difficulty, for me, was having my partner and son weigh in on the argument. I had decided not to have chemo this time around as it obviously didn't work last time and I knew what it was like. Once I told them this the pressure came on; they simply could not see why I would miss a what they perceived as a chance to stay alive. I regret giving in, but it's done now and I have to live with the consequences.

Being in pain doesn't help while you are trying to get your head around everything else. We all do the best we can and in the end, that will be enough. Marg xxx