Disappointed and confused by the system

Hullo again everyone - just wanted to thank you all for your input and advice. But suddenly came down with a bladder infection a couple of days ago and also had some tough conversations with my nearest and dearest which left me sleepless and more anxious. Just wanted to bury myself under the covers for a while. Kind of peeking around again this morning, it's a lovely cool misty day, unbelievable for December, and now wondering how many more Decembers I will be seeing.  Looked at the statistics for my condition on the Predict site; even with all the therapies (chemo, radio, aromastase) only 60% make it to five years and 25% to 10. I'm not afraid of dying as such but it's the need to make plans and put things in place for my family members that is overwhelming, and the idea of spending valuable chunks of what could be a very short time being sick from the proposed treatment seems crazy. I want so much to stop thinking about it but can't shut the brain up. Yes, I know, do some exercise, meditation, relaxation .... will try, I promise. Pain from the axillary clearance has also been driving me crazy, can't drive or even put the damn dishes away. Unfortunately the midday movie today is about Florence Nightingale so that doesn't add much joy to the mix.