Dark days
Just diagnosed this month, 1.5.cm invasive tumour, plus 3mm by 3mm tumour I couldn't feel. I am 46, have had regular mammograms and ultrasounds for years due to lumpy, dense breasts. I self checked re...
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Well, my emotions are all over the place - guessing that’s normal - and my nights are punctuated with imagining how many small tumours are happily growing in distant places, and will I see my 7 year old turn 8, and my days trying to get on with things and carry on. My first oncology appointment is next Thursday and I am petrified he will want a PET scan and will find I am stage 4 before I begin. My CTs were clear. So many fears. And then there is the chemo and I am so afraid.
Then I put my big girl pants on and say I can do this (because, what choice do I have) and forward I go.
My portecath is truly a painful thing - more painful than my mastectomy and acilla sites. While the immediate area is improving I have tenderness in my upper arm which is newish. Not swollen or bruised, no fever, just very tender and stiff. My chest is bony and I have no padding but it seems to be more miserable than it should be.
I am complaining an awful lot. Just struggling right now with many fears.