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NaturalBel's avatar
NaturalBel
Member
13 years ago

Wow, another day goes by

Here I am only 5 days after another hit of Chemo.  Wow did I begin the day with guns blazing!  I was cranky with everyone and jealous of everyones life.  I ranted about not hearing from people since Christmas, and I complained about my relations going to Disneyland for their next holiday.  I winged about being stuck in this house, and how boring it is.  "Do you realise Ive barely done anything since November!"  I tell my husband and how boring do you think it is in the isolation chamber, called home!  I ache and Im sick of this fowl taste in my mouth and Im tired.  I hate having nothing exciting to tell people so I dont ring them, after all, theyve got to be over hearing the stories of Cancer and the treatment.  I picked on my husband about the list of stuff that is annoying me, while he is getting ready to leave the prison and go do my grocery shopping on his day off.  I turn on my Pilates DVD and start to the minimal stretches, just to avoid more pain from lack of movement and then..........I cry.  I stop the DVD and I call my husband in and I say "I am so sorry, I am just frustrated, its hard being here all the time, and I am just frustrated!"  He gives me a big hug and I say "Sorry I was picking on you, I really appreciate all you do!"  and I cried.  This is me on Day 5, just so ya know, Im not Mrs Positive attitude all the time.  But you know what, the walks and the exercise get me every damn time - they release my pent up sadness and then slowly....I get back up on the horse, and by Day 10, Im ok.  I have ONE MORE DOSE OF CHEMOTHERAPY TO GO!  I am gonna cry like a baby on that day, and damn it "Chocolates all round!"  Talk soon.......thanks BCNA.... I needed that!  Love Bel

5 Replies

  • chipmunk's avatar
    chipmunk
    Member
    13 years ago

    Hi Belinda

    We have all been there..... you need to let it all out. Bottling it up is going to make you feel worse. I think our adorable husbands do understand, that it really isn't us, feeling miserable and feeling sorry for ourselves.

    They don't quite understand the chemo, horrible feeling we get. But, they do understand it just isn't us.

    Just vent out here on this site, we all pretty well can relate to it.

    Just hang in there, it does get better.

    love JulieXX

     

     

  • pisces_tas's avatar
    pisces_tas
    Member
    13 years ago

    Hello Belinda,

    Hope you feel better soon. I remember my mood and thinking was a bit " funny " after each chemo. I would have liked this site then to ask if it is normal.

     I have had a cold recently, just after the Conference and felt miserable for a few days. On the mend now. I am always a bit " funny " at the end of summer and going back to autumn and winter again. I just need to get into " winter mode again. " I am NOT one who embraces change and uncertainty easily, but I am trying to " go with the flow " most of the time. Time to put the summer clothes to the back of the wardrobe again, I think.

    Last chemo to go.. sounds like something to look forward to! Yes walking can help mood and to feel a bit better. Do not overdo it though, early days yet. You have been through so much in a short space of time. TC. Best of luck, Kathy. ox.

  • pisces_tas's avatar
    pisces_tas
    Member
    13 years ago

    Hello Belinda,

    Hope you feel better soon. I remember my mood and thinking was a bit " funny " after each chemo. I would have liked this site then to ask if it is normal.

     I have had a cold recently, just after the Conference and felt miserable for a few days. On the mend now. I am always a bit " funny " at the end of summer and going back to autumn and winter again. I just need to get into " winter mode again. " I am NOT one who embraces change and uncertainty easily, but I am trying to " go with the flow " most of the time. Time to put the summer clothes to the back of the wardrobe again, I think.

    Last chemo to go.. sounds like something to look forward to! Yes walking can help mood and to feel a bit better. Do not overdo it though, early days yet. You have been through so much in a short space of time. TC. Best of luck, Kathy. ox.

  • LeeS's avatar
    LeeS
    Member
    13 years ago
    Woohooo Bel. I love that you say it how it is. And I hear you loud and clear. You are SOOOO allowed to feel like you do. And you are SOOO allowed to be honest. It's a tough slog. You're almost there and then you can make up for lost time. It's an amazing achievement to get to the end of chemo!! Keep up the posts. It's a great place to vent and also, by doing so, you're helping other people realise they are also normal feeling like this. Best wishes. X
  • anniep's avatar
    anniep
    Member
    13 years ago

    I hear you Bel!

    Ditto about the crankiness and frustration, I hated the chemo induced negative (=toxic) state of mind, ain't a nice place to be. Prior starting my chemo I was all informed and prepared for the many physical side-effects (most of which I pretty much avoided) but didn't expect the chemo to mess my psyche so much. I found it very hard to deal with and this new side of me felt very disturbing too as I'm usually a rather positive person. And at times I think it scared my hubby a bit, too..  But like we discussed before we're lucky girls to have such beautiful understanding hubbies! 

    Anyway, I'm glad you only have one round of chemo to go Bel! Hang in there! It's now 5 weeks since my last chemo and it feels good to feel good again, sayonara chemo! I'm sending a lot of these positive vibes your way too!  Yes, when it's all done bring on the chocolates, you've been so good with your diet on chemo that you deserve a major treat girl!  If only we lived closer I'd come and share it with you!!

    Hugs / Annie