Why is it so hard?
Hello, I’m new to the network even though I’m well past finished with my treatment. I even have almost enough hair on my head to call it a bob, sort of. I finished the mastectomy/reconstruction/6 mont...
Forum Discussion
I'm 2.5 years since diagnosis and 2 years since chemo.
I had a bilateral mastectomy and tissue expanders inserted. I've only just had nipples made...but still not finished.
Whilst in treatment we really are just going into fight or flight mode. Cut and burn so to speak. Only now do we start to reflect on what we've lost.
We've lost our breasts forever.
Our hair might be back...but it's not the hair we had.
We might be fitter again but the vitality isn't quite there.
Our sense of safety in our health is probably gone forever.
So yes....it's bloody hard.
Especially when we hear of others not making it. It brings back our own fear, makes us angry and feel guilty we are still alive and well. Sometimes I feel we are on a war path with snipers picking us off one by one.
Allowing yourself to grieve is okay.
You're allowed to feel sad.
You're allowed to miss your body as it was.
You're allowed to hate your hair now.
Eventually it will move on. You will think about it less. Mostly. Every now and then those old fears will sneak back.
I cut off my weird hair to a new style...and thankfully it is no longer curly. The colour is different so I have got streaks in it. It was f u weird hair I'm cutting away my chemo curls and embracing the new me. Figuring out what that new me looks and feels like took me another year.
I don't have all my vitality back but it's closer. I'm making future plans again.
It's certainly an emotional ride and one that takes time and we all do it differently. No right or wrong way to do it.
Take care.
Kath x
I had a bilateral mastectomy and tissue expanders inserted. I've only just had nipples made...but still not finished.
Whilst in treatment we really are just going into fight or flight mode. Cut and burn so to speak. Only now do we start to reflect on what we've lost.
We've lost our breasts forever.
Our hair might be back...but it's not the hair we had.
We might be fitter again but the vitality isn't quite there.
Our sense of safety in our health is probably gone forever.
So yes....it's bloody hard.
Especially when we hear of others not making it. It brings back our own fear, makes us angry and feel guilty we are still alive and well. Sometimes I feel we are on a war path with snipers picking us off one by one.
Allowing yourself to grieve is okay.
You're allowed to feel sad.
You're allowed to miss your body as it was.
You're allowed to hate your hair now.
Eventually it will move on. You will think about it less. Mostly. Every now and then those old fears will sneak back.
I cut off my weird hair to a new style...and thankfully it is no longer curly. The colour is different so I have got streaks in it. It was f u weird hair I'm cutting away my chemo curls and embracing the new me. Figuring out what that new me looks and feels like took me another year.
I don't have all my vitality back but it's closer. I'm making future plans again.
It's certainly an emotional ride and one that takes time and we all do it differently. No right or wrong way to do it.
Take care.
Kath x