What doesn’t kill you.........

@Zoffiel I am not sure my friends and family would cope with stranger than I already was. Good grief, my daughters friends loved coming over because “your mum is really DIFFERENT” My poor girls were horrified as kids, nowadays, as adults, they just roll their eyes.

haha  I can relate to that, @Zoffiel!   

It may not make you stronger, but it sure makes you stranger. As if I wasn't strange enough to begin with; two separate tussles with this have left me distinctly peculiar :)

Your post reminded me of an entry in my diary nearly six years ago, when I was feeling totally fed up. Every little thing was conspiring to get me. The time it took to get the "spare parts" lined up before I headed out in a morning, the crusty nose, the to-ing and fro-ing, just everything. It helps to write it down!! Then my husband took me out to lunch, I caught up with an old colleague and got my breath again. As @kezmusc says, it does get better. And the modifications may seem like second nature by then. Best wishes.

My big girl panties are now right over my head and suffocating me. Plus, I am getting a wedgie! 🤪

@arpie Exactly, I do feel like I have been belted into submission and that I have no rights.

@kezmusc That dark sense of humour often rears its beautiful head. I look forward to this coping skills

I think I am just having a pity party. Leg cramps, constipation, mastectomy, visit to ED with temperature too low, banged head into aviary door which resulted in a twisted torso. The leg cramps kept on getting brushed aside by all my medical team so after spending three hours a night for the past six weeks pacing the floor just to make it bearable, three nights ago I resorted to the Ibuprofen which worked wonders. My Onc today had a fit when I told her I have two, three times a night. She is now doing tests but it appears to be a delayed neuropathy from the taxane which finished end October. The things we have to do in order to be heard. She put me on Endone.

@Blossom1961,

This may be you at the moment lovely, but not forever.  Your strength will come back, some of these new raw emotions will stay close to the surface and the rest you will get back under control.  We've had a big slap of mortality thrown at us, apart from the rest of the shit fight, and it takes a while to regroup.

You have fought through this and will continue to do so.    Whatever doesn't kill you may not make you stronger, but it does give you some stong coping skills which will come out in the not too distant future and a pretty dark sense of humour LOL. 

You'll get there lovely. It's a long slog but you'll get you back with just a few modifications.

xoxoxoxo

I think we can all relate to what you've said, @Blossom1961 ....  

In a way, it is like we've been belted around the head into submission .... we are changed people.

Keep that 'sense of fight' - it will help you along the way.  

I hope the oncologist can help with the spasm pains  :(  

Take care  xxx