Three years on...

Hi Anna. Thanks for your reply. Yeh, the "new normal" thing is another of those phrases I hated at first until I realised it actually was the reality. I wonder sometimes where I would be and what I would be like if I didn't get the cancer- like that movie "Sliding Doors". Anna, as the rollercoaster of treatment and appts slows down your normal will start to emerge. Make it what you want it to be. I chose to return to full time work after a graduated return. I struggled with tiredness for along time so made weekends for rest and very slow housework. I went to bed early every night.  I let my standards slip and hubby stepped up a bit more with the vacuuming and stuff. Hey, if the washing didn't get put away we picked out of the basket all week. No one complained. I didn't get alot of outside help like I hear others get- my mum died in the August of my first year so my extended family had other stuff to deal with. Didn't feel like I should burden them. Everyone thought I was so strong and positive and told me what a rock I was. Some days I didn't feel like that, just wanted someone to take control and run the show but I suppose as mums and wives we do that. I have a new saying that I tell myself and my family sometimes "Take the responsibility off my shoulders". It is rarely taken from me but at least they know thats how I feel. I have developed a certain assertiveness that I think my hubby doesn't like so much. I reckon I'm here for a good time, maybe not such a long time now as my health has been compromised so I do pretty much what I want to do. I have bought property- always wanted to do that but hubby said no. I bought my mums unit and have since bought two more. So I became a landlord. Would never have done that without the cancer. It's an investment in mine and my kids future- there's that sense of uncertainty kicking in. I said to hubby the other day that I reckon mum would be proud of me for doing this as she knew that's what I always talked about. Hubby said he was proud of me too! Go figure. So normal is what it is. Now I just need to exercise and work on my health, oh, and make that donation. I'll do that today. You'll work it out. Don't be the target, take some control and make wise decisions for YOU. You can be selfish now, in a nice way. All the best with it Anna. Look after yourself and have a great Xmas...L xx