Struggling today

There's no words that can make any sense of this, and acceptance is hard so go for anger for a day or two! Be reassured that you had a good relationship with your father and, knowing that, he was not really alone. My dad died suddenly a long way from me too, but I was always very grateful he died fast, painlessly and with no awful illness or suffering. It doesn't seem to matter what age you get cancer, it makes dealing with the other inevitabilities and demands of life so much harder. You will move on, and I am glad you have plenty of support, but everyone needs to vent sometimes and this is as good a time as any! Let rip.