Our 'New Normal' - a thought provoking article

Thank you both @Afraser and @kezmusc. 

I think a lot of it  depends at what stage your at, how far past D Day and treatment you are, as to how you think about things.  The first 18 months is not something I would ever like to go through again. Screw you instant menopause and hormone therapy uggh.
 What @Arpie, has posted pretty much sums it up as to how a lot of us feel during that time.  Some people get through it quicker and some take a lot more time, it just depends.

@ddon yes, everyone expects you to be "better" and happy after your treatment ends.  They know no different and we hope they never will. Annoying..absolutely.  Sometimes a gentle reminder of "Hey, you realise I just got chopped, poisened and nuked so No I'm not better yet" can go along way :)

Working through that initial quagmire takes immense effort and energy. It is so full of ups and downs that it can appear as if nothing will ever change and you just have to accept it.
People always say that things will get better with time but at the beginning you kind of want to slap the next person you hear that from.
 I know once my mind was clear enough to really take stock of "before" I realised a few things. 

 Normal, the day before diagnosis was not my normal from 5 years prior so there actually really was no definition of normal. It had been constantly changing right up to that day.  Both good things and bad things. There would never be an unchanging constant normal, with or without cancer.  Some kind of shit was bound to happen and time keeps on ticking.

 I think I had really revved up how fantastic everything was before, purely because it was...well, before. (Except my love life...that really was far better.! lol)
Hmmm.... Zero time for me,  an endless marathon of work, shopping, cooking, looking after the farm, looking after kids, absolutely every body else and bugger all thought as to what really was important.  There was always next time, always next week, month, year to do that right? We know better now.

 Time is precious and I was wasting far too much of it feeling somewhere between sad and  angry. I still swear and curse at hotflushes, nausea, my rock boob aches and Tamoxifen.

Absolutely, there are still some sketchy, anxious moments here and there ( another MRI next Thursday) and I doubt whether the feeling of "is it back" when you have a pain will ever completely go. It's minimal these days and I choose not to give that bitch cancer anymore power than it has already had.

I @agree with @Afraser. I prefer the person I have become.  I'm much more balanced and adaptable.  I say yes, to all invitations without even thinking and I now make time for the things I want to do without a shred of guilt.

Just keep pushing through if your struggling.  Speak to a counsellor if you need to.

Take notice of the small moments of good every time you can.  Drink the wine, wear the good perfume and sparkles whenever you damn well please. Vacuum in them if you want.
You will make it through and you might just like the new version better. 


Hugs to all
xoxoxoxo

I know it’s one more thing to add to what you are currently juggling but I agree with @Sister, a good professional counsellor can be very helpful at this juncture. My low point was about 5 months in - the third possibly permanent side effect left me wondering what I might have to give up. Up to then I had sailed through chemo and surgery, and continued work, but now started to wonder how these ‘non-cancer’ issues would affect me. Not depressed but very confused. My counsellor smartly pushed past the cancer recovery to look at what I considered ‘back to normal’. I hadn’t given any thought to that - but had to recognise the long working hours, lack of delegation, little genuine energy building (she had to explain that!) and so forth might not be ideal, even if I enjoyed it. I didn’t make any radical changes, didn’t give up anything precious but bit by bit got myself into a different mind set. Magically, there was more time for things I’d never had time for. And a greater sense of satisfaction. My time with the counsellor was really quite short - the lessons are still acted on. Best wishes. 

Thank you sister. That’s exactly how I feel. The nights are spent laying awake worrying and the days are spent so tired and trying to function. And pretending to my kids that all is well. I will be okay - I have much to be thankful for and a supportive family. Just struggling right now when everyone thinks I should be so happy to be finishing chemo, and I can’t explain why part of me is and part of me feels worse than I did at the very beginning. 

While it may feel like you're all alone in the dark, the emotions you're going through are pretty common towards the end of active treatment.  I think that while there is something positive to do, we just get on with it.  The end of treatment can feel like freefalling into a deep dark hole.  It WILL get better but it's worth trying to talk to a professional counsellor who understands cancer to help with you regain your equilibrium.

Thank you Giovanna. I have tried, since diagnosis, to just live for today and find the joy in it. I know that that is all anyone really has. And I have managed that pretty well until the last couple of weeks. But now that chemo - and my little safety bubble -  is coming to an end I just feel like I can’t get past the certainty in my inner self that it will be back soon and that will be the end. I hope I can overcome this fear and just live day by day again. I will talk with my GP if it gets too much. Thank you for your care. 

Hello @ddon
Thank you for posting how you are feeling.  It is tough and there are days that can be so overwhelming.  I know this sounds really trite but try to take one day at a time, thinking too far ahead can be very overwhelming.  If the fear is becoming all too consuming it might be a good idea to speak to someone, your breast care nurse, GP or even our calling our helpline on 1800 500 258.  Some people find it helpful to speak with a counselor who can help with some strategies for managing the fear and anxiety going forward.  Take care, all the best

Thanks arpie. The thought that, while ever I am alive, this fear will always be present overwhelms me. There is no banishing it, there will never be a time when it’s gone; I might suppress it and learn to live again but it’s going to be there, just below the surface, until I die. Not a peaceful thought. 

Well said, @Afraser

I am So sorry that it upset you so much @ddon - this is another subject that our medical team never mentions - the moving on - picking up the pieces & getting some joy back into your life.  It WILL happen ..... 

I think the message is also to be vigilant, not paranoid - so make notes on any body changes (aches, pains, lumps & bumps) and let your Onc know so they are 'on record' and if anything lasts for longer than a couple of months - request an MRI/scan to 'get a pic' as of now, to compare with later on, if necessary.

take care xxx

You are so right - thank you for your wise words. I know I am 6 months post diagnosis, tired at the end of chemo (2nd last one today) and trying to home school my kids, and wondering how I can get on top of my fears. I am well off compared to so many and I know that. My body has tolerated this very well overall I think but still the fear builds up and overwhelms me. I have spent 6 months putting it away for the day when I have to face it, telling myself that right now I am fine so stop worrying about it until the day comes when I am not fine. But this week I feel like I can’t put it away anymore.