Hi Amanda , if being hard on yourself helps you go ahead because your giving yourself a good thrashing, it's so great to blog out the things that sit in our brain or the words we say to our mirror in our bathroom on this site with no guilt, and maybe that's what it really comes down to is our inner guilt, you are so right we all want that bit extra and it's not greed or anything it's just our natures, but you sweet lady have the guts to put it out there .and if you were in America l think your so great you would have your own reality show ha ha , (a dig at humour) I love kitchen table wisdom I always feel good when I read it, it seems to centre me when l need it. Don't be hard give yourself a hug at what great foundations you are laying down for your kids, and in the end that's what your trying to do, make great foundations so the building doesn't fall down. Love from adean