LOSER

We are all so different. It seems taboo to say such a thing as I feel like I've failed but it is how I feel in a culture focused on winning. When I break it down, I know I've done what I can here in Australia. If I lived in the US I may have many more options yet. I am comfortable with the treatment choices I have made along the way. I have always believed you can influence your outcomes and that has driven me for the last few years so it is no surprise I suppose that I am disappointed with the outcomes. I also don't feel failed by the system because they don't know how to treat this disease, I feel angered by the spin that this disease at this stage is treatable - I truly wonder what percentage because while I know and love some miracles, too many friends are gone. And yes, I slept we'll in a drug induced haze to alleviate this back pain (caused by coughing) - I've woken feeling refreshed. I'm not actually contemplating stopping treatment even yet but it is time to address managing my symptoms. I actually woke feeling hopeful this morning! Hah! Thank you.