Just a snapshot in time as each of my posts are. Sometimes you are up and others you are down. I don't believe in positivity per se but authenticity. Acknowledging how you really feel and learning from that. We can be blinded by this think positive, be brave, fight, fight, fight mentality but for me that is not real. The reality is very differently- moments do despair and moments of joy and elation, moments of fear, moments of courage. They are all valid.
It's as simple as me feeling I have failed - no, it doesn't help me or anyone else. It doesn't even make sense but its how I feel and I had to get it out there.