LOSER

I know Tonya - I have always been in awe of my body's ability to make these children and sustain them with breast milk alone! I was superwoman. I don't know if its luck or not. I've certainly given it a good shake. I've been determined. We are not sure current chemo has been unsuccessful yet but blood tests indicate it hasn't and my symptoms have probably worsened rather than mproved. We have one more dose before scan. Yesterday I lost all of my hair again. I think it is the marching of symptoms, the cough, the pain from the damage coughing has done to my ribs and back, the lethargy that perhaps makes the mind think such things. Pain is an incredible leveler and I am fortunate it has not been a big part of my disease. I guess I just wish things were different - not a 'why me' moment at all -'why not me?' . A xx