Life returns to new normal?
Where has the last 12 weeks gone? So much has happened but it is invisible to others.
I am back to work tomorrow and am looking forward to it but anxious as well. I put off my return to work 3 times but finally feel I am ready. I have no idea why I thought I would only be off work for a month!! I wasn't expecting so much pain from the lymph node removal nor the belligerent pec muscle from the immediate implant after mastectomy. But it was the emotional side of me that took a bit of healing. I just couldn't see myself taking charge of everything for other people when I was still trying to get myself sorted out.
I am very pragmatic - no tears on diagnosis, just wanted to know what needs to be done to get it fixed. I always had a strong belief that I would be OK - I tried so hard to be strong for my loved ones and felt I was wasting energy by crying when I needed to use that for healing. I now know I can do both! All my tears came once I got a good histology report - grade 1 IDC 1.3cm, clear margins and 3 lymph nodes clear. No chemo or radio. Arimidex for next 5 years at least ..
I am not the same person who left and I am worried about my ability to cope and be patient with all the small annoyances which come with leading a team. So many things will seem petty and insignificant to me now, but that is my journey, not theirs.
After being so matter of fact telling people about my cancer pre-op, I now find myself welling up when explaining why I have been away.
I am afraid that everyone will think I am the same old Jane - my reputation is that I am aways kind and pleasant, the go-to girl to have all answers and get things done. I don't know that is me anymore. So much has changed at work in the last 3 months, my store has relocated, we have new systems and processes. What if I can't catch up?
My uniform is tight from my newly gained 4kgs, I haven't worn heels for 3 months - big breath, here I go ........ back into routine.
A reminder to myself to re-check this post next Friday.... I will probably give myself a slap and wonder what all the worry was about!
Wishing everyone a good week next week, hope your treatment goes well and good luck for those of you newly returned to work :)
Jane x
I am back to work tomorrow and am looking forward to it but anxious as well. I put off my return to work 3 times but finally feel I am ready. I have no idea why I thought I would only be off work for a month!! I wasn't expecting so much pain from the lymph node removal nor the belligerent pec muscle from the immediate implant after mastectomy. But it was the emotional side of me that took a bit of healing. I just couldn't see myself taking charge of everything for other people when I was still trying to get myself sorted out.
I am very pragmatic - no tears on diagnosis, just wanted to know what needs to be done to get it fixed. I always had a strong belief that I would be OK - I tried so hard to be strong for my loved ones and felt I was wasting energy by crying when I needed to use that for healing. I now know I can do both! All my tears came once I got a good histology report - grade 1 IDC 1.3cm, clear margins and 3 lymph nodes clear. No chemo or radio. Arimidex for next 5 years at least ..
I am not the same person who left and I am worried about my ability to cope and be patient with all the small annoyances which come with leading a team. So many things will seem petty and insignificant to me now, but that is my journey, not theirs.
After being so matter of fact telling people about my cancer pre-op, I now find myself welling up when explaining why I have been away.
I am afraid that everyone will think I am the same old Jane - my reputation is that I am aways kind and pleasant, the go-to girl to have all answers and get things done. I don't know that is me anymore. So much has changed at work in the last 3 months, my store has relocated, we have new systems and processes. What if I can't catch up?
My uniform is tight from my newly gained 4kgs, I haven't worn heels for 3 months - big breath, here I go ........ back into routine.
A reminder to myself to re-check this post next Friday.... I will probably give myself a slap and wonder what all the worry was about!
Wishing everyone a good week next week, hope your treatment goes well and good luck for those of you newly returned to work :)
Jane x
