Dear @scram you are totally in a safe space to vent. You have so much on your plate if you dont let it out you will explode. You can ask your gp for an epc care plan and get some visits to a counsellor to help support you.
I'm sorry for the loss of your Mum. If you have friends around you that offer help please accept it. Its OK to say I need some help.
The port will make chemo treatment a little easier. Yes put the numbing cream on 30 mins to 60 mins before. I put the cream on before treatment, I would still feel the needle a little but it did help.