Help I'm desperate

Hi Andrew,

               My wife was diagnosed with BC 3 1/2 years ago at the age of 36. At the time our kids were 4 and 2. After 2 mastectomy's, lymph node removal, chemo and less than satisfactory reconstruction (twice), she has been to hell and back both physically and emotionally repeatedly. We too have tried professional help when things became too difficult, with some limited sucess.

               As you know, the role of being the "Rock" can be extremely draining, especially when all your efforts appear to be for nothing (we males need to see results). I mostly do the reassurance trick. On a couple of occasions when several days of reassurance have not worked and I'm at the end of my tether, I have abruptly highlighted to her that we are both in this together and at least we have the luxury of being able to complain about the negatives of BC and its treatment. Some of my comments are less than orthodox, but I make no apologies as it has helped her.

               I am by no means saying this is the way to go for anyone else, but she has recently told me that in those dark times, this has worked for her and helped put things back into perspective. This has always been unplanned and there has always been the threat of it back firing. Thankfully to date this has not happened.

               My wife is the toughest woman I know for what she has been through and how she has fought. I have nothing but love and admiration for her. But I also know that if I pander to her too much, it can have a negative effect and contribute to her self pity, which helps nobody.

              I don't pretend to understand you and your wifes situation, as everyone deals with it differently and I don't believe we have experienced it to the same degree as yourselves. I don't know if anything I have said is of any benifit either. I know I would have liked to have had someone to just sound off to during the tough times. If I can be of any help, just drop me a line.

Regards

Shane