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Piccme's avatar
Piccme
Member
8 years ago

Finished rads today, bittersweet

Hi Ladies, 

I had my last radiotherapy treatment today, 30 in total. I'm sure somewhere in my brain/body I am celebrating this milestone but to be honest I am a weepy mess! My original plan on finishing active treatment was to visit my parents who live(d) interstate. My mum is in residential care after her own cancer battle which expediated dementia and my dad has been living alone for the last two and a half years. He has been a fabulous support for me this year so I was really looking forward to seeing them both. Sadly, this did not eventuate as dad suddenly died two weeks ago. I have mentioned this in a previous post but today emotions have been refreshed. Like many of you ladies I'm still struggling with bloody chemo side effects, still no hair regrowth, (am I being impatient, it's been over 9 weeks), I've had cording flare up, "textural" changes in my at risk arm,  I have a sore tit from radio burn, am considering my options re hormone therapy which I have been advised I will be on for 10 years and am flying down from Cairns to Brisbane on the 16th for an appointment re the Pallas trail which I learnt about on the BCNA website thanks to a post that @primek (thanks @primek) wrote, I wouldn't have known about it otherwise and I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed! I do have a good support network but sometimes I feel that it is only ladies like yourselves that have been through this that will understand my neurosis!  I just don't know when I'm going to feel better. I guess today I can tick off another box but feel so far from finished.
  • Sister's avatar
    Sister
    Member
    7 years ago
    @piccme Losing your Dad and not really having your Mum is so sad without it coming at a time when you are so physically and emotionally low.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  When my final rads finished, I waved my arms in the air with a loud cheer but the end of treatment was also the time for me that I suddenly fell apart and HAD to access counselling so perhaps consider that.
  • onemargie's avatar
    onemargie
    Member
    8 years ago
    It's all overwhelming love and we've all been there. And it's harder as you are dealing with your dads passing too and your mums health. Be kind to yourself you are feeling fragile at the moment and sore too so don't push yourself too hard just take it a day at a time. You have survived the biggest shit fight of your life remember and it is a big deal. I hated waiting for my hair to grow back too. Hang in there love sending you a big hug. Like dory says..... just keep swimming.... just keep swimming ❤️
  • socoda's avatar
    socoda
    Member
    8 years ago
    So sorry to hear about the loss of your dad, that in itself would just be so totally devastating. There isn't a feel better timetable that you have to adhere to, so part of it is nurturing yourself through both the good, bad and the sad. Just sending a huge warm virtual hug lovely, be gentle with you. Xx

  • Unicornkisses's avatar
    Unicornkisses
    Member
    8 years ago
    @Piccme, I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad.
    I can imagine all you feel about finishing radiation, is "thank god that's over." 
    I am only just finished week 3 of 5 weeks radiation and the fatigue is creeping up.
    It really takes the edge off any feelings of celebration.
    I am finding the skin burn from the radiation very depressing too. I would think that I should be feeling better about it as it is much better than chemo, but the relentless travelling down every day, and skin care routine is pissing me off.
    I guess by now we are just fed up with all the palaver necessary to beat this disease.

    Hopefully the hair will start soon, mine is pretty short but covers my head enough for me to go bareheaded, I am 15 weeks from the last chemo, and the fatigue should slowly start to get better, then perhaps you will feel you can move forward.

    Hoping you can see some sunshine in each day, Jennie
     

  • iserbrown's avatar
    iserbrown
    Member
    8 years ago
    @Piccme oh goodness me isn't it a so and so when you have no damned energy.................
    here's a link to a document about fatigue that I am sure you will recognise symptoms and hopefully make you feel like it is normal considering where you've been and where you're at
    http://www.cancervic.org.au/about-cancer/types-treatments-trials/fatigue_and_cancer

    I was sad to read about your parents, that is hard yards, do take care and take some time to grieve and reflect

    Take care and sending you a virtual hug xx
  • LMK74's avatar
    LMK74
    Member
    8 years ago
    Hi @Piccme, sorry for your recent loss of your dad. It's such a long drawn out process all this treatment. I'm doing rads atm only day6 of 25 zaps. I've been offered the palas trial, I don't think I will do it though. I also have to think about hormone therapy. Every joint in my body aches and is stiff and just had enough already. It's hard to feel celebratory when energy is so low. It will get better with time.
  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    8 years ago
    It's not neurosis at all. It is overwhelming exhaustion both physical and mental. I am so sorry for your recent loss.  <3 :'(

    You will start to feel better in a few weeks now that radio is finished. Your hair will hopefully just suddenly sprout... I've known a couple of ladies that waited quite some time for it to appear. 

    I decided the options were much better on hormone treatment than not for me...despite feeling very stiff like an old lady (and believe it or not but my bone density has improved in the 12 months on it...go figure). I hope the pallas trial is helpful for you.

    Endurance...it's  a marathon not a sprint to get through this and think of yourself as a survivor. Pure exhaustion of mind and body. The finish line keeps moving a bit for you...but you will get your stride again soon and start reclaiming your life and hopefully soon...find some joy in it again...it is after all why we are in the race. Kath x