Just when you think you are about to get off this detour and return to normal life you realize that it's not all that straightforward. Physically I am getting there but I just realized that my emotions are still as raw as the skin on my chest after 25 zaps of radiation. This weekend I have a work Christmas function, an extended family Christmas party and my daughter's 21st birthday. I am looking forward to all of these events and will see many people for the first time since my diagnosis 7 months ago. So all should be good but for some reason I keep tearing up and am really worried that it might be a very emotional weekend. I don't want to ruin happy occasions for everyone so how do I pull myself together and concentrate on all the positives? Could it be the tamoxifen? Help! Deanne xxx

Hi Deanne, as you know, i am a newbie to all this, so i can't offer any reasons why you would be feeling like this. But i am sending you a big hug and i'm sure everything will go well for you this weekend. You have helped so many others on this site, you deserve every joy coming your way. You won't ruin the happy occasions, people will be so overjoyed to see you and i think lots and lots of hugs are coming your way:) Hazel xx

Hi Deanne, Sorry I can't be of much help to you. I am 5 years on now and I still can get teary when talking about it. I think it is just me. I get teary at the happiest of times, a new grandchild, weddings, etc. Just be yourself and I am sure people will understand. You are doing fine in my book. Jill xx

Hi Deanne Like Robyn said, you have been such a great help to so many people on this site..including me! I read that it is after treatment is over that our emotions are affected even more so.....I guess this is when we have time to think about all that we have been through and what a struggle it all is! Tamoxifen is my next phase after chemo is done...so will be looking out for your adivce on that too! I am an emotional person already...cry at the kids movies...so it will be interesting times I'm sure! Enjoy your celebrations...but remember to rest up too and look after you! Hugs, Jenny x

Hi Deanne, I know exactly how you are feeling (pretty sure anyway). I too feel that I am totally in control most days. But find the oddest things set me off & for a while I got slightly embarrassed & annoyed with myself. However lately I have decided that if I can't control it I will just let it go when & wherever & I know I will be fine once I have let it out. I am sure you will be too. I suggest don't worry about the what ifs, just enjoy your weekend celebrations whatever or however your emotions decide to show themselves. We have been through a lot & I don't think anyone will begrudge you a few tears & too bad if they do. Take care & be yourself no matter what & enjoy good times. Carolyn xx

Hi Deanne, You might really surprise yourself. Sometime when you have to share the painful/stressful/tough stories - you will find that extra bit of strength within and actually see how far you have come. If you feel down rest up, have a little cry then visualise this picture..... it's bound to make your smile and dry those tears. I am not sure I would want to be a 'Hotdog' ;-)

Emotional roller coaster | BCNA Online Network

20 Replies

Janey235
Member
12 years ago
Hi Deanne, I'm glad you have enjoyed yourself. You will be soooooo tired after having a few events all at once though. Yesterday I had the long awaited and planned for Fund Raiser that my sister and niece organised. I did heaps of cooking and really enjoyed being 'useful' again. But I am totally exhausted today both in body and mind. I saw a lot of people, some old friends and some new but I felt like recording my story and just setting it on a playback loop. It was a little different from a get together where you could get off the subject, eventually. After all we were raising money for breast cancer and I was to focal point I guess. But I'm so glad it's over. I was rather desperate for it to finish in the end. I do hope you enjoy your daughter's 21st. Such a special time when your children reach a milestone isn't it. Unfortunately you won't be able to prevent the tears but they will be happy ones. Enjoy it all Deanne. We are beating this! Love Janey xxx
Deanne
Member
12 years ago
Yes mostly good but I was surprised how challenging it was to walk into a room full of people who know you have one missing breast and virtually no hair. It was different to going out in public where no one knows you and gives you a second glance. Most people were good about it and other than a brief acknowledgment of it being a tough year and enquiries about have I finished treatment we talked about 'normal' things. A few women wanted to know details which I was happy to be open about (might help them or someone else one day). One of the guy's wives is a breast care nurse so we had quite a detailed chat which some of the other ladies found educational. Was disappointed that one person who I have known as a friend for over 20 years (not so close in last couple of years) just avoided me and left without saying anything. But I guess that is her problem. Lucky she is not someone I have to deal with much. As you say hopefully we will all move past it and onto 'normal' life. The family Xmas gathering was great and I am sure the 21st this evening will be good too. But I am sure I will be very tired for the next couple of days! Take care. Deanne xx
mgndam1603
Member
12 years ago
I hope your night was a great success and that you enjoyed yourself.

I thought of you offen last night as I was a a friends birthday party and everyone wanted to talk and ask questions, I had many comments on my lovely head of curls and that I was radiant and that was good becasue I felt good but I tired of talking about myself and no matter how I tried to steer the conversation it seemed to still come back to that one subject.

Anyway we do eventually move past it I am sure there are lasies further along who may be able to validate that (i hope anyway).

Love

Donna
All_smiles
Member
12 years ago
Thanks Deanne , I've changed my outfit 3 times and am heading out now- not sure why :) Will take your advice re conversation . Have a lovely night too. Sophie Xx
Deanne
Member
12 years ago
I'm dressed and ready to head out the door. My hair and eyebrows are still only about 2 or 3 mm long. So after much debate I am not wearing a wig (they know I've lost my hair so I would feel false). I have a pretty blue scarf/cap on and I feel ok. I hope you are feeling ok too. I went to a street party last weekend and found the best approach was to mention the BC early in the conversation and then move onto normal topics. People seem to take their lead from how you are about it. Hope you enjoy your night too. Take care. :) Deanne xx
mgndam1603
Member
12 years ago
I have just passed my one year anniversary and find that I still get emotional at times. It is difficult if its a work situation but with family you will blitz it, there is so much support there that it just smoothes thigns out for us.

I am sure the drugs are part of it but I also think that we have been through so much that sometimes its ovewhlming when we talk about it to others.

Enjoy your weekend and especially the 21st that is such a special time in our family lives.

love

Donna
mgndam1603
Member
12 years ago
I have just passed my one year anniversary and find that I still get emotional at times. It is difficult if its a work situation but with family you will blitz it, there is so much support there that it just smoothes thigns out for us.

I am sure the drugs are part of it but I also think that we have been through so much that sometimes its ovewhlming when we talk about it to others.

Enjoy your weekend and especially the 21st that is such a special time in our family lives.

love

Donna
Janey235
Member
12 years ago
Enjoy it Deanne, you deserve it x
Deanne
Member
12 years ago
Reading your comments and hearing that many of you feel the same with emotions bubbling over is so reassuring. To have come so far without falling apart (well just for little moments here and there) it was a bit of a worry to feel a bit out of control. I think Tonya really summed it up with the word vulnerable. I am stepping out from my safe haven of close family and friends and that definitely makes me feel vulnerable. I am facing another unknown of how people will react when they see the post BC version of me. The one thing I have learnt out of my experience though is that you can face anything if you have support. I will head off to tonight (work function) with my wonderful husband and the support of all you wonderful ladies. Thank-you all. Deanne xxxooo
Christine_Marie
Member
12 years ago
Here is a big((( hug))) as I don't know what advice to give you, because I am the same...enjoy your functions love.. like everyone says, people are just going to be very happy to see you.. Christine:)x