Drowning in anxiety and fear

Dear Anita, my heart aches for you knowing the pain you are going through. I am a anxiety/ panic disorder sufferer and getting the cancer diagnosis sent me into an absolute world of torment. I lost my stepfather to cancer when I was 15, he was gone in weeks from diagnosis. So to me cancer was a very terrifying thing that meant death. I have learnt through this ordeal that it doesn't mean that at all. I to was to scared to order the "my journey kit" I didn't want to know, I didn't want it to be real. I joined my local support group and they ordered it for me. At the start it was a bit daunting reading it and not much went in as I was in such a fog. I was diagnosed almost a year ago. Which I can't believe as it has gone so quick. My cancer was 5cm and everyone seemed quite concerned. I wasn't really told much but till they do further tests there wasn't really a lot they could say. My GP was not helpful and actually added to my anxiety. I now listen to my surgeon and oncologist as they specialise in this field. I really struggled to be around my children who are 15, 13 and 8 as I would start crying thinking that I could be prematurely taken away from them and the guilt I felt for having to put them through this. I spent a lot of time sleeping and hated to be left alone as my head would go nuts with all the what ifs. Once I saw my surgeon and we started getting a plan for how we were going to attack this, I started to calm. The not doing anything and not knowing what is going on is really tough. As your puzzle starts to be worked out and pieces start getting put in place and you know the plan, you will find a strength from deep within you and you will just do it. You have two beautiful children and you will do what you need to, to the best of your ability to get through this. Don't be to hard on yourself you have just been given a horrible shock. I'm happy to chat whenever. Sending strength and calming thoughts. Nerida.