Breasts after conservation

Kathy, I feel somewhat the same. I was diagnosed in October 2015, had "therapeutic mammoplasty" (a "lift" on the diagnosed side, an option due to my larger cup size that enabled the surgeons to take more tissue to enable wider margins) in November. I just finished radiotherapy about 3 weeks ago. Trouble is, as much as I love the newer perkier/lifted, prettier shape.....it's not what I've had all my adult life (I'm 46) so I'm a little surprised every time I catch a glimpse. So every time I see the little dot tattoos & my scars (a circle around my areola, a vertical line down from under the middle of that to intersect with the upwards arched line all the way along under my ex-E+ cup) it's a stark reminder. Don't get me wrong, I'm SO appreciative, SO grateful that I didn't need further surgery or chemo but it just seems like that side belongs to someone else and the other....older looking side.....is still me (due to radiotherapy effects, I can't have the other side matched up until about 12-18 months after radio). The only thing I can put this emotion down to is that I knew from my first visit with my surgeons that all the hard work they were going to do to salvage my breast, could all be undone soon after if I needed a mastectomy. So, I built a protective barrier - a self preserving mental barrier. I didn't want to fall in a heap if my pathology didn't come back well & prompted removal of their artwork. So in my mind, I "numbed" extreme emotions. I didn't allow myself to feel "really" anything.....not really happy, not really sad, not really excited......about anything. So many people have told me I've coped really well, my husband keeps telling me how easy I've made it on him by not freaking out....at all.... So maybe that's my reason why & maybe it might help yourself or anyone else going through this. It's not that we're ungrateful or unappreciative, it's just these damn emotions & this roller coaster ride we're on. I hope this helps & please know you're not alone.
Take care, Rosetta :)