just found out at Mother’s Day lunch that my Mother in Law has told my brother and sister in law (who we are estranged from and haven’t spoken too in about 6 years) about my breast cancer diagnosis after my husband expressly told her not to cause I didn’t want them to know. I am so upset and angry, just about burst into tears at lunch - it feels like the worst thing that has happened to me since diagnosis. How could she do that?? It’s not her diagnosis to share and it is none of their business. They don’t care anyway. The thought of them knowing such an intimate detail of my life makes me feels sick. I am absolutely devastated.

Deep breaths. Some people are complete arseholes. These things do not happen by accident, it's a calculated act which tells you all you need to know about her. I'm the sort who cuts people like that out of my life, but that could be difficult if your husband is fond of her. Make a voodoo doll.

It was my Mums way of keeping control. She likes to be the one "in the know" that the family turns to because "Mum will know". Dealing with her was the worst part of my cancer experience, she actually told me off multiple times because I was saying she couldn't tell anyone, and she was telling people before I was even properly diagnosed. That was 3 years ago now, I just had a nice walk with her (and Dad) for Mothers Day. Life's too short to be angry with them. Focus on what is important at the moment, and that's you.

Hmmm.....family drama. One thing I have learnt through the years of having a very large extended family is that if you tell someone not to say anything you can bet your ass they will.There are two family members on my shit list, one brother in law and one aunt. Somewhere along the line they both found out. The aunt I especially didn't want to deal with. She had BC about 4 years ago. It didn't make her a nicer person and it didn't make me want to be her best friend when I was diagnosed. She rang and rang and face booked me and messaged me. I never replied to anything. I did find out who told her. That person was told what I thought and explained to me how the conversation had come about.After I stopped fuming about it I kind of figured that it really didn't matter. What difference did it make? This was now part of me and them knowing didn't change anything. These people are not part of my life, I still don't speak to them and I don't want to waste any of my time and energy worrying about it. I guess it was just the principle of the matter that ticked me off. Try not to stress too much about it @"Kiwi Angel" you have too much else to concentrate on at the moment.XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

ah Kiwi Angel I hear you girl my mother told my estranged brother and his then wife who is a Bitch with a capital B. her comment which my stupid mother repeated to me was I wish she dies.... needless to say I have nothing to do with them -my Brother or his ex wife, and My mother gets very limited information about my life. I hear you it hurts you have a right to angry and hurt but like the others have said it is not worth holding onto as it is something you really don't have time or energy for while going through treatment. My actions now are I don't tell my mother the things that are important to my well-being as I know she will automatically tell others who I have asked her to not to tell. Soldiercrab

I can understand not wanting to disclose to the world but I'm very much like @romla although I chose a slightly different method. I just wanted to shut myself away when I was diagnosed so I asked close friends and family to spread the word and asked for privacy. Then did the blog and sent the address out with help from those friends. I just don't have the energy or interest in juggling secrets. If anyone has an issue with my disease that is their problem - I can't deal with it. The only concession I make is head covering when I'm out of the house and a prosthesis "in public" - that is more about being sensitive to my immediate family than me caring. But that's me - everyone is entitled to their privacy.

Betrayal | BCNA Online Network

90 Replies

kmakm
Member
8 years ago
@tigerbeth Eldest son's girlfriend needs a slap... Grrr!
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
Thank you @"Kiwi Angel". K xox
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
@SoldierCrab Deal. I'll bring the kj free whipped cream. Hurrumph...
tigerbeth
Member
8 years ago
@kmakm & @SoldierCrab I have had those type of mothers days too ! Yesterday wasn't too bad the boys came to our place for lunch with my brother & sil , we sat & watched the footy with my elderly dad while they prepared lunch ! Lovely !
However eldest sons girlfriend decided to get her knickers in a twist because they didn't get invited properly!! I had mentioned to my son what the plan was & could they come ? She was off to her mums , so what was the big deal ??
Would've thought they all could've put a bit more thought& effort into the day considering the last month !They could've arranged the day & I made that clear to my son. Think it's the dads that fail definitely not the mums !!

Since my mum passed I have dreaded Mother's Day , a card & Flowers & their presence is all I want !! It's always hit & miss , tears are not far away !
Love & hugs to all you supermums xx
Kiwi_Angel
Member
8 years ago
@kmakm & @SoldierCrab big belated mother day hugs to u both. Xoxooxox. Even my cat got me a big w voucher.
SoldierCrab
Member
8 years ago
oh I hear you kmakm I had a similar day..... daughter arrives home at 5pm from day at footy with her boyfriend with a bunch of flowers I just felt over it by then. They just dont get it I will see you in the corner we can share virtual chocolate cake no calories in it ;)
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
Not betrayal but hurtful: out of four kids ONE gave me a sweet array of little gifts. The others, nothing. Not even an unprompted "Happy Mother's Day". I don't want anything more than a card, a bunch of flowers at the most. Ungrateful bunch. I don't know why they're like this. I always pay attention to the special days with gifts and food and celebrations. It's disappointing and makes me feel like I've failed in parenting...

Sorry, whinge over! I'll live. *sulks in corner*
iserbrown
Member
8 years ago
@"Kiwi Angel" you can't undo what has been done.
You did say that this will probably negate all the nice things she has done for you in the last 3 months, that's a shame! Hopefully you'll find yourself in a better place emotionally where you can enjoy her company and the nice things she does and just be a little guarded in the information trail.
Take care
Kiwi_Angel
Member
8 years ago
Thanks @Sister xo
Eastmum
Member
8 years ago
So frustrating @"Kiwi Angel" - even more when she's clueless!

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