@arpie - it’s always good to find the silver lining through all this. I hope your husband is doing well.
I think it should be our choice who knows definitely and she should be well aware how much telling him would hurt me. She was more than welcome to discuss it with her friends if she needed to vent - just not him - he has no empathy anyway!! Hubby is quite angry at her and is going to tell her off - he saw how devastated I was. His words “she needs to know what she did is wrong and she can’t keep doing it - it has to stop”.
We shall see.