Forum Discussion

Traceylee's avatar
Traceylee
Member
13 years ago

A struggle with the new me

 

I look at the mirror

and do not like what i see

the body that once was normal

now seems so far away from me

 

it is hard to come to terms

with the battle scar

that now replaces what was once a matching pair

a pair that should not be separated ever

 

they give you a piece of rubber

that you stick to your chest

this is supposed to replace

the one i will never forget

 

the numbness i feel is agony

the grief too much to bear

as the world moves further forwards

the mirror traps me here......

 

Travey-Lee Pitot

10/1/2013

 

 

 

 

 

 

9 Replies

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    13 years ago

    Yes,do keep in touch on this network.It's a great place to come for support ,info or to just vent. The verse I like is not mine but comes from a book called"A pocketful of sequins"endorsed by BCNA.It's just a collection of sayings and pretty watercolour pictures.I will look into that book you recommended.After each cancer bout I read alot of "cancer"books but also alot of true, inspirational stories.I found strength from reading how others have overcome worse problems than mine.It's important to make time for yourself now and do the things that bring you joy.It took me a second serve of breast cancer to figure that out and I needed to make big changes to my life for that to happen.

                                                      Tonya xx

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    13 years ago

    Yes,do keep in touch on this network.It's a great place to come for support ,info or to just vent. The verse I like is not mine but comes from a book called"A pocketful of sequins"endorsed by BCNA.It's just a collection of sayings and pretty watercolour pictures.I will look into that book you recommended.After each cancer bout I read alot of "cancer"books but also alot of true, inspirational stories.I found strength from reading how others have overcome worse problems than mine.It's important to make time for yourself now and do the things that bring you joy.It took me a second serve of breast cancer to figure that out and I needed to make big changes to my life for that to happen.

                                                      Tonya xx

  • Traceylee's avatar
    Traceylee
    Member
    13 years ago
    Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry you have had to endure twice. My decision to have a mastectomy was so I don't have to worry later on that it may be a reality. I have no regrets on my decision and yes as you say we are well and alive. I recently brought a book called Perfect Scars which is an inspiring photo and story book about women and one man posing naked round of their scars. It is such a well done and moving book. If you get a chance have a look at their web site www.perfectscars.com. One day, even if we don't go to the photo stage we will learn to be happy in our new body. Would love to keep in touch. This is such a good site for support for us all. I love your verse, would love to use it as a quote in my writing if that is ok. Thinking of you xx Tracey-Lee
  • Traceylee's avatar
    Traceylee
    Member
    13 years ago
    Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry you have had to endure twice. My decision to have a mastectomy was so I don't have to worry later on that it may be a reality. I have no regrets on my decision and yes as you say we are well and alive. I recently brought a book called Perfect Scars which is an inspiring photo and story book about women and one man posing naked round of their scars. It is such a well done and moving book. If you get a chance have a look at their web site www.perfectscars.com. One day, even if we don't go to the photo stage we will learn to be happy in our new body. Would love to keep in touch. This is such a good site for support for us all. I love your verse, would love to use it as a quote in my writing if that is ok. Thinking of you xx Tracey-Lee
  • Traceylee's avatar
    Traceylee
    Member
    13 years ago
    Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry you have had to endure twice. My decision to have a mastectomy was so I don't have to worry later on that it may be a reality. I have no regrets on my decision and yes as you say we are well and alive. I recently brought a book called Perfect Scars which is an inspiring photo and story book about women and one man posing naked round of their scars. It is such a well done and moving book. If you get a chance have a look at their web site www.perfectscars.com. One day, even if we don't go to the photo stage we will learn to be happy in our new body. Would love to keep in touch. This is such a good site for support for us all. I love your verse, would love to use it as a quote in my writing if that is ok. Thinking of you xx Tracey-Lee
  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    13 years ago

    I lost my left breast in 2010 so I understand how you feel.This was my second bout of breast cancer in the same breast.I first had a lumpectomy in 2003 and then 7 years later it came back,so no choice.A mastectomy is much more confronting and takes awhile to get used to.I'll be honest -I still don't like my naked reflection and I DON'T do naked in bed.But you know what -I don't HAVE to like my gnarled chest.There are other bits of my body that I don't like either- just as there are bits that I DO like.But I like myself and I like my life and I'm alive.I feel better when I'm wearing my prosthesis and I've had to "doctor"alot of my clothes/swimsuit -clothes shopping can be a pain sometimes.It's normal to grieve for a part of your body that you've lost- it's a big adjustment but over time you do.I am here anytime if you want to chat about these issues.Your poem reflects how alot of us feel after a mastectomy - sad but truthful.

    Here is a verse I like :"My body may be lopsided but my life is balanced."

                                            Tonya xx

     

  • Traceylee's avatar
    Traceylee
    Member
    13 years ago
    Thank you for your kind words. I was scared about sharing them , but if they can give some encouragement to someone it is worth it. I know I will get through this. My love and best wishes to you also. Thank you for reading. Xx
  • NaturalBel's avatar
    NaturalBel
    Member
    13 years ago

    Traceylee, I appreciate your honesty and ability to express that in a poem.  Sharing your emotions is important, and there are many here who will totally relate to exactly what you have gone through.  I can only wish you luck and the knowledge that only time will bring you peace and understanding.  For now I just send a hug!  Bel