Stop The Bullshit!!

HIT said:

Vent away, I am so glad that I am not the only one that has had to push poop down the plug hole!!!  Who would of thought that both bladder and bowels succumb to the course of time??  I hope that the vent has helped you continue to soldier on, its all we can do.

I didn't mention that this was my 2nd cancer... I got bladder and uterine wich spread to my urethra in 1998. to cut years off the story, I now have a SPC, a catheter under my belly button to pee out of. It's of no problem, not now anyway, I had multiple surgerys to try and pee properly over the years, and begged for the SPC to be put in, I couldn't live with the pain anymore!! I want Quality of life!!!.... So, I have false teeth from a car accident, False urethra, False boob in my bra, and no spleen or uterus. No sex with my husband for years!! But we get around it, he's happy ( giggles ) I am an UP person, but when this after effect gets me I am angry as it reminds me of the lack of information about 'after cancer' I was given! THEY KNOW!!! THEY JUST DON'T TELL YOU!!.... It's swept under the rug because if anyone starts asking questions, they deny, and ignore. .... what if.... what if someone spoke up and did sue them for the damage caused to the body by that drug? Am I grateful it killed the cancer? yes!! Am I thankful enough to just "GET ON" with life and pay no attention to the fact that my heart muscle is weak enough to die on me oneday, or that my gut problems are so bad at times I can't hold down a normal job, or that I fear my husband sleeping with someone else for sex, or that I have to buy a new boob because this one is failing, and I can't come up with the $500 first ( oh that's right, I don't work!! I'm on disability )... I have ( and others ) EVERY RIGHT to be angry!! I'm expected to just carry on as normal when I am no longer normal! Before going into the treatment I had no counselling or consult, I was given a diagnosis, sent home, sent to 50 tests to see if I could withstand the onslaught, and on my 1st day I cried and was told to "Toughen up love, it gets worse than a prick in the arm"... yep, that happened!!! 8 hrs after my 1st dose, I ended up in hospital for 4 days, and 5 - 10 after EVERY HIT!! AND, then the Onc says " we may have overdosed you, we'll try half dosage... NOPE THATS NO GOOD EITHER!! So, I quit!!..... I live every day hoping it doesn't return. Every time my bones ache I think I have it. Everytime my liver twinges I think I have it. ... Today was a bad day, and I spoke up!! It's not okay to shut up and be polite!! I am NOT that kind of woman! I call a spade a spade... And if others think I'm brash, then I am, but my friends wouldn't have me any other way!! :) Thankyou for understanding! xx