Positive thought for the day xx

You're sounding like my psych there @Afraser! It's hard to get out of these thought patterns. I don't choose to feel guilty, ashamed and as if I've failed, but yet I do. Intellectually I recognise that they're imposters. I'll do my best to banish them. Thank you. K xox

Sadness is a completely normal reaction to loss. Shame and guilt are not, they are learned reactions - not necessarily caused deliberately but drawing from what we interpret as the expectations of others, even ourselves, and that we have somehow "failed". Sometimes we set the benchmarks for ourselves way beyond what we would expect of anyone else. Sadness does not have a use by date, it's also a way of holding something dear. But do whatever it takes to abandon any guilt or shame - they are imposters and don't help at all. Best wishes.

Our dear @kmakm, please don't take this as a flippant response to your heartcry, because it isn't at all. Sharing your pain, both internal and on the outside, shows your humanity and giving spirit to others. But seriously, if you had been through what you have, and experienced what you have, and didn't feel as you do, do you know what I'd suggest? See a psychologist or any other ...ist, take all and plenty of meds on offer and allow yourself to be sad. Sad, under the circumstances, is normal, but it won't be as deep and as profound forever. From someone who, years ago after my brother's death ended up in the nuthouse, in a nice comfy room, with lovely soft walls and a mattress on the floor, I know. I also had a lovely jacket that did up at the back, had twenty one rounds of ECT and every drug from A - Z, which left me a drooling, jittering mess, I know. I also know that my inner "fuck you" rose to the top, and twenty years later, not a pill, white jacket or Bzzz Bzzz later, I'm back in the game. Different fight, but the same spirit. Big hug, my friend.

@kmakm It is so hard to not feel guilty or ashamed of being depressed. My husband grew up in a family that believes you should never need emotional/mental assistance. It was so hard when chemo and cancer trauma took over my head because I felt I should be able to do it on my own. However, hubby was also finding it hard to cope! We speak of the horrors of BC and how we need to adapt. I still occasionally feel ashamed of feeling blue but being more open about it has helped me to accept things as they are, knowing they will get better. We are both over the worst of it. He goes out bike riding, fencing, walking while I read, jigsaw, go out for coffee with friends, and spend time with my new family here on the forum. I may not have ever met you Kate, but you are still the baby sister I never had. My heart goes out to you. Sending huge snugglehugs your way. Oh yes, I haven’t forgotten those truffles! Are you anywhere near Ringwood?

Yet here I am, depressed, on meds, seeing a psychologist. It is what it is. I find it hard to not feel guilty and ashamed of finding it hard. I am trying to get better, and I am committed to be open about it so others don't feel the shame that I feel about the sadness inside me.

@Blossom1961 What a lovely story and what a wonderful professional he is.

This is GORGEOUS!   Who has access to river pebbles??